Contacts, Te Odio. Part Deux.

As some of you may be aware, I have had struggles recently when it comes to contacts, eyedrops, or really anything eye-related. Yes, even the mention of any of these things turns me into the world's biggest pansy (well, eyes and daddy-long leg spiders).

So, this brings us to Monday, October 17th. It began as a lovely, brisk autumn morning. Which I really didn't see much of, because I slept in until about 10. I determined that on that day I would proudly wear my contacts out, and actually be able to see my friends as I passed them on the street. After about 15 minutes devoted to each eye, the contacts were in.

It was wonderful, as I walked around with the glorious, beautiful fall foliage around me. But, alas, I forgot my eye drops. Not wanting to miss a second of this gorgeous day, I fought the urge to return home and retrieve the little green bottle. Eventually, as the day grew colder and I grew hungrier, I returned. I decided to just use the contact solution, because the likeliness of actually getting some in my eye was much higher. The right eye was fine, but then as I went into the left... something went wrong, terribly wrong. I rubbed my eye, as it was so horribly uncomfortable, and in the midst of all the contact solution and towel-eye rubbing, the contact went missing... or so I thought.

After spending a few hours of the night with just one contact in (as I learned, a terrible idea), I noticed my left eye was driving me nuts. The contact couldn't possibly be in there, could it?? After hearing that it actually could, I had several people try to look around in my eyelid for it. I started getting panicky- this was literally one of my worst nightmares (again, apart from being covered in daddy long legs). My roommates, who incidently all wear contacts, assured me that I would know if it was there, and all would be well. I slumbered peacefully for several hours, then a couple seconds after awaking felt that irritating sensation yet again.

I took a shower- the feeling was still there. I tried pouring in even more contact solution-still there. I looked up "contact stuck in eye" and tried everything the websites suggested. My poor eye was just even more irritated. Then, my wonderful, amazing roommate offers to give my eye another go. After 45 seconds of examining, there he was, lurking in the upper corner of my eyelid, that evil little contact. It took my roommate about 3 seconds to fish it out.

Moral of the story, don't ever rub your eyes with contacts in, and always make sure you have a calm, non-squeamish roommate around.

I know Bryant Milesi is laughing at me somewhere.

Get By

This the title of the magnificent song rapped and produced by Talib Kweli, which spoke volumes to my angst-ridden 14 year old self when it was released in 2002. This give me the courage to press on, while facing nearly insurmountable odds just tryin to survive the vicious and perilous streets in the suburb of Carmichael. Somehow, I made it. Nearly 10 years later, I find this classic still has my back. Yes, Mr. Kweli, you understand the types of daily obstacles we can face. The grocery store running out of 2% milk (I'm sorry, but I think skim tastes like water), my freshly straightened hair resembling medusa after stepping into some rain sprinkles, burning my toast. This is merely a snippet of the degree of incredible trials I face on a given day. I know that Talib is critical to my daily survival. No amount of support from friends, family, or incredible life blessings could possibly surmount his empathetic crooning on how we just try to "get by".

If this song hasn't entered into your life yet, you need it to. Watch this video here if you haven't. (don't look up the normal version unless you want to hear a bit of cussing and several drug references). It will change you.

Sixth Reason The World Is Ending

5. The Only Temperate Place in the World is Hawaii- and They Don't Have an OT School

Friends, I am in the process of filling out my applications for grad school. There are many factors going into my decision. Mainly, climate. Now, this only makes up about 96% of the selection for me. There is still an important 4% involving housing, tuition, quality of the program, etc. So far I have eliminated the majority of places above a certain latitude. The east coast is scary. If it isn't the earthquakes, the hurricanes, or blizzards, the homeless people will get you. The midwest is too full of cows and tornados. Texas is basically on fire. This leaves about four states as a potential for my future residence. I thought I had narrowed down my choices again, when I found unsettling climatic facts about each of the places I am considering attending.

San Jose State

This is where my parents went to school and met and fell in love and got married. They have a bit of a soft spot for the Silicon Valley. They also remember the glory days when SJSU was actually a viable athletic force. Unfortunately, I have personally always associated San Jose with scary crime. My mom told me this story of being stalked on her way home to her sorority and scared me to death as a kid. Plus it's always foggy there. Plus it's expensive to live there. Did I mention it's foggy?

Pacific University

I had heard great things about the program and I saw the facilities for myself and it's nice. The faculty seems friendly and Hillsboro is very pleasant (and not scary). I do know a few people in the Portland area, but it would not be anything like Provo. Every time I talk about going there my mom mentions that it is dreary and rainy the entire year. Now, this isn't true. It's only dreary and rainy the majority of the year. Now, I can handle that, I mean in Sacramento you go a few months a year when you forget what the sun looks like. But, what I had been used to growing up and had expected out of Oregon was that it wouldn't dip below freezing. I was wrong.

AT Still

I was talking to my dentist who is a sponsor of the dental program at AT Still (scroll down to "Family Dentistry") about maybe going there. Just before he drilled into a cavity, he pulled out his iphone and showed me the current weather in Mesa. 115 degrees. One Hundred and Fifteen.

University of Utah

It's amazing I have survived as many Utah winters as I have, I really shouldn't push it.

UNM

Now, this was looking like a good option. I had spent a weekend this summer in Albuquerque and it was nice. The temperature wasn't too hot. It wasn't muggy. I speak passable Spanish. Both sides of my family has history going back to New Mexico. I honestly hadn't heard about their program until a couple weeks ago, but it looked really good. Then I made the mistake of looking at the lows and average snowfall during the winter. I thought it was a desert.

Ok, I'll take a second to be serious. These are all fabulous schools, and it would be an honor to go to any of them. And let's face it, if I've survived as long as I have in Provo winters, I can make it through 3 more years somewhere else. Maybe.

Til I'm Gone

As I was home alone today again for over 13 hours, I had plenty of time for a dance party in my backyard. After punch-dancing out my boredom a good 45 minutes, I decided to plant. I worked on grounds over 3 years and so general gardening is something I now have a strange affinity for.

So, after planting some new flowers in my backyard, I was just sitting there, with the evening sun filtering through the oak leaves, and this little bird flew onto my shoulder. He didn't stay very long, but it was seriously the coolest thing. A little while ago, a friend told me this could happen if you stand really still, but I honestly thought he was full of it. I mean the little guy might have just chosen me because, with all the dirt and leaves I was covered in, I realistically looked and smelled like a plant. Regardless, I was so happy that happened, I came in and wrote this post about it.

Of course, this may very well be the highlight of one of the most uneventful weeks of my life. The most socializing I've done is with my parents, the guy that bags groceries at Raleys, Eleazar and his crew that mow our lawn every week, the mailman, and numerous old ladies in the Kaiser Permanente waiting room. I've learned more about rheumatoid arthritis, hypothyroidism, and diabetes than I'd ever want to know. I am still taking 10 credits of classes online, so I thought I'd be more busy being academic. Wrong. Apparently assignments only take a long time when you have things you'd rather be doing.

For now, the key to my happiness turns out to be a bit of Tinie Tempah and rudbeckia from OSH.

Contacts, Te Odio.

I'm not even going to talk about that game. At least any more than I just did.

Now, some of you may have gone through several years of your life easily, blissfully popping contacts in and out of your eyes. For some reason, I seem to be inherently incapable of putting them in. After some analysis, as I stood for an hour in my bathroom blinking my right contact out over and over, I have concluded there are 4 main reasons I am struggling so. Bryant Milesi, Catherine (my sister), and my optometrist.

First of all, I blame Bryant Milesi. Yes, Bryant, you are the source of my eye-related neurosis. Rewind to October 1992. 4 year old me was in kindergarten at Del Dayo elementary school. I clearly remember the day when Bryant chased me around the classroom flipping his eyelid inside out. It was gross, disturbing, and scarred me for life.

Catherine, second I blame you. Somehow you were able to pick up the most fabulous genes our family has to offer. You can shake out your blonde, straight hair right out of the shower, and it will look better than mine does after spending an hour using a straightener. While I am the only individual in my family with near-sighted vision, I am also the only one with deep set eyes and long thick lashes. Which may be nice when I forget mascara, but they are currently the bane of my existence. Every time I try and go in with a contact there is always eyelid or eyelash in the way.

Optometrist, I don't even know your name, but I blame you too. I would have been perfectly happy with just glasses, but you had to go and tell me that you have had several like 3 year-old patients getting contacts in with no problem. So, now, I can't just give up because I know there are a bunch of toddlers running around doing something I can't. The more stressed out I get thinking about it, the worse I do. So, gracias.

Finally, I blame me. Yeah, it's mostly just my fault.

If anyone has any encouraging contact-related words, advice, anecdotes, or experiences, feel free to call me, skype me, text me, facebook chat me, or track me down at my house. I'll still be here, in my bathroom, using way too many commas, and trying to get these stupid contacts in.

Fifth Reason (Counting Down from 10) The World is Ending

6. Edie Lambert is no longer the main anchor for 6:30 news.

Now, if you lived in the Castillo household, you'd know why this travesty was unendurable. Not only have I heard about this nearly every time I've called home, now that I'm temporarily back here, I hear about it every day. Sometimes multiple times a day. Now, I'm amazed we survived the retirement of Dave and Lois. They are as much a part of the Sacramento life experience for my parents as Emigh's hardware or Raley's and Bel Air.

But yes, instead of Edie's soothing co-anchoring, we have to put up with Kellie MacMullan (DeMarco). Not only does this Kellie not hail from anywhere in the state of California, she also... (gasp)... has a smoker voice (according to my parents). Now, after hearing several descriptions of this lady who apparently looked like the finger-eating-big-haired woman from Mars Attacks, I had to see for myself. Sadly I had to agree. She is not Edie. Ok, so she loves to go visit the children's hospital with her puppy and fight against breast cancer. Is her name Edie Lambert? No. Automatically this means she intends on destroying every fabric of Sacramento normalcy. Even though Gulstan is relatively new, for some reason defying any transcending explanation, it doesn't feel off. Who did he even replace? Has he been here forever?

P.S. I've funnily enough been getting a lot of hits off of google from people googling "Edie Lambert vs Kellie Macmullan (DeMarco)" or "Kellie Macmullan (DeMarco) Edie Lambert".

Is Kellie MacMullan (DeMarco) a Smoker?
Well, now this is a new one I keep receiving google search hits from. Let us analyze... I apologize again that I do not have comments enabled.

Smoker?
- That husky voice
- She's from Colorado
- Smoker "aura"

Non Smoker?
- Pretty
- She's aged well
- She's never smoked on camera
- She doesn't like cancer
- Married (as of 11/24/12 at least)
- According to this reliable Yahoo! Answers question, posing a widely sought after inquiry "Does Kellie DeMarco smoke?" bgee2001ca says no.

Perhaps the world will never know.

UPDATE 6/11/12: I emailed KCRA asking if Kellie MacMullan smoked and received the eloquent response from one Anzio M Williams reading "no".

Just so everyone out there knows, I mean no offense to Kellie MacMullan (DeMarco). I just prefer Edie. I mean, I've basically been watching channel three news from when I was in the womb. As a whole, us Sacramentoeans don't handle change well. I mean, either Raleys and Bel Air brought Frank McMinn back or they found someone with an eerily similar voice to prevent a riot.

UPDATE 11/24/12: I have been made aware during my stay at home for Thanksgiving that Kellie MacMullan is now Mrs. Kellie DeMarco. I have added in her new last name to accurately reflect this. Congratulations to her and her new husband. 

Also, Edie sometimes anchors the news along with Kellie or with Gulstan. I have no idea what my parents were so worried about, apart from my mom and dad's continued assertion of "I don't know, I just don't like her".

UPDATE 1/1/14 I am home again for the holidays and have learned a great deal from my parents about their evolving opinion towards Mrs. DeMarco. Also, I have been getting many many search hits from "Kellie DeMarco Pregnant?". Firstly, my parents have started to take a greater liking to her. Especially when compared to Chris Riva, who clearly struggles. Also, secondly, my mom keeps turning to me when she's on the news and whispers 'do you think she's pregnant?'. I agree this is an immensely personal thing, but I have to conclude that she likely is. And congrats to her if she is. Or isn't. You know, either way it's cool.

UPDATE 7/10/2014 Based on the various conversations with my parents on their favorite topics of the drought, the Kings, and KCRA, I hear that Kellie DeMarco and Edie Lambert had weird twin pregnancies, and new babies! My parents aren't quite sure how they feel about the female fill-in.

UPDATE 11/25/2015 I am home again for Thanksgiving. Apparently Kellie has completely weaved her way into the hearts of my family. While watching the news tonight (both the 5 and 6 o'clock editions), there was an expression of mild acceptance. And compliments about her sweater choices.

The Brave Little Toaster

Who hasn't heard the supposedly inspirational phrase "you miss 100% of the shots you don't take" at least one point in their life? I know I was told this many many times as a child while being prodded to do everything from ballet to rock climbing. I think back on all of the things I would have missed out on if my parents had just let me wuss out throughout my childhood. Yes, sometimes we will still miss 100% of the shots we do take, but at least we'll get a bit of an arm workout in the process. While you may walk away from your failed attempts with a bruised ego, you will have rock hard deltoids.

Now, I am not looking for any positive affirmation, because I truly do know my limitations. I'm a terrible bowler. I am not really that funny. I can't draw a straight line to save my life. I am super shy. I can only play the trumpet mediocrely. I've got naturally boring brown hair and brown eyes. I will almost always be in last place playing mario kart, after driving backwards about 3 minutes. One thing I can say for myself is that I will try. Even when I know that failure is not only plausible but nearly inevitable, I will do all that I can to at least attempt. I do not let fear stop me. It isn't that I am not easily scared... sometimes just thinking about things I have to do raises my heartrate about 500 bpm. It is that I am able to put this behind me and keep trucking.

The thought of flying into Portland by myself this last weekend was frankly terrifying. I had never been there before, and had to use public transportation to get everywhere that first day. Now, where I'm from, you can get shot just looking at a light rail. But I did it. I bought myself special 3 dollar de-stress water, I found my way, I carried my 3.4 ton backpack alone around the city for 6 hours and I showed up at the end of the day alive and with some new friends (that's you Bruce and Sugar)

I think back on even just the past few months. If I had let every fear of failure, embarrassment, or injury hold me back, I wouldn't have done anything. But I didn't. So what if you know you're going to lose the game, or if he doesn't like you back, or if you know you're just going to look like a dork? Bravery is knowing you're probably going to fail, but trying anyway in hopes that one freak shot towards the basket will go in.

First 4 of the Top 10 reasons I think the world is ending

10. The Taco Bell around the corner from my house closed

I don't think any further explanation is needed. This is the actual Taco Bell before its sudden, unexpected demise.

9. The GRE was revised, and now I have to take the harder version.

Why did they have to take something long and pointless and make it even longer and more pointlessier?

8. Can you say earthquake?

Because, what if the tectonic plates really just have it out for one person who really likes to travel to Haiti, Chili, Japan, and around the U.S.?

7. Our Oak tree in our backyard fell down.

I'm gonna miss ya, buddy.

Right before the tree cutting crew took it down in March.

Dreams Can Come True

So far, I have had an epic summer of unemployment, slip n slides, softball and ultimate frisbee game watching, bike rides, hikes, travelling, swimming, boating, concert attending, just dance playing, general adventuring, and dream fulfilling. I honestly think this may have been one of the most fun summers I have ever had. And I was able to do all of this even with my broken foot, injured thumb, and skiwampus left wrist. Amidst the last 733 days since the incident, I have dealt with a bizarre string of well recorded physical ailments. Does it make sense? No. Did I feel sorry for myself, alot? You betcha. But also, have I had the best darn 1.3 years of my life? Definitely.

Of course everything has not been candy canes and roses. I feel down every once and a while, like a normal person. Everyday drama and frustration is exacerbated by the limitations I now have to face. There are things I can never do again, and fortunately, the pain because of that has lessened significantly. I hate nothing more that being dependent, or asking for help, but I have been so blessed to be around some of the most giving people possibly on the planet.

Moving has been... a challenge. Before this last year, I had no idea how frustrating it can be to move something as small as a pile of blankets. I want to be able to help others with physical limitations, because until you go through it, you have no idea the amount of helplessness and vulnerability you can feel. I was in tears because I knew I couldn't do it by myself, and I had no idea who to turn to when my prayers were literally answered.

I am truly optimistic about the future now, which has been a bit of a process. I do not know much more than a couple months ahead, and even that is very open to change. At the very least, I know I am not homeless until next April and I am officially now a UVU (*edit USU) student. So, even though nothing is for certain, there is a hope that has come back. I really do know that things will work out, just maybe not in the time or way I had previously supposed. There always seems to be a reason for why things happen the way they do. Sometimes the things you hope and wish for really do come. Who knows, maybe Jimmer and I will run into each other in Sacramento, fall madly in love, and live happily ever after. It could happen.

edit: jimmer's engaged. never mind.

Motivation

Truthfully, I really do think it's funny that I am struggling so much with everything right now. I guess it's just a long process to work out our feelings about things. You have to put on a happy face for 90% of the time, and then the other 10% you are too busy to let yourself be sad. Plus, who can be sad when it's sunny outside?

Honestly, I have never felt so scared. I guess I always assumed that nothing would be permanent. I know, it really is ridiculous, I guess I'm not living in an earthquake/tsunami ravaged country, I'm not blind, nothing's been amputated. I just can't force myself to be positive about it... yet.

I love talking with my mom. I feel like I can tell her pretty much everything. I admitted that I've been feeling very very low about my future. She told me that she wasn't worried because she knew I'm very resilient. She said that she would be more concerned if she didn't think that I'd eventually be fine, that I'd bounce back. Moms are the best. I really am grateful she mentioned this to me because I think it's something I have always taken for granted about myself. There was never any doubt that one day... soon-ish... I'd be back to my normal optimism again. As humans, we are amazingly capable of adapting. I'll get used to my limitations, and before I know it, I'm sure that I won't even think about it.

It's ok that I'm not happy about it right now. I'm no quitter. I drug my torn-MCL-leg downhill a mile and a half, with just two ski poles for support, dang it. Two weeks later I snowshoed 3 miles on that same leg. Of course this was dumb, and I didn't regain full use for several months, but that is not the point. I was the smallest, youngest kid on every soccer team I ever played on, I was duck-footed and fell all the time. So, I just put on my scariest face and ran straight at the other kids and got the ball from them. Every time. I also got a few yellow cards, but again not the point. What I'm saying is, just you try and get me down.

sometimes optimism doesn't work

Yeah, sometimes no matter how hard you try, everything sucks.

But that's ok! Because, really if things didn't suck sometimes, then how could we know when things are un-sucky? There's always the light at the end of the tunnel, the rainbow after the storm. Things will always eventually get better. Even if they aren't so hot in the moment. Haha, Again Andrea, you're welcome.

Because I'm not addicted to Facebook

Oh this has been a fun semester. I don't mean to be a downer but, I kind of have to ask, "en serio?!" I can't take any more percocet because it makes me a crazy person, and apparently I'm perforating my stomach by taking motrin. But don't worry, it's not like pins sutured to your bones are painful or anything. Especially when its cold outside and storms bring on pressure changes. Nope! It's a good time!

But seriously, this itchy cast will be gone before I know it, and I'll be back to living a full happy life again. I'm looking for some wood in my room that I can knock.

no me digas!

Fall!

Progress

History 201 test? You've got it! Time to visit my glorious blog again! I'm also waiting for a baking experiment to be ready, so there is double need to procrastinate today.

Anyways, as I've mentioned before, my inner thoughts are so interesting and profound that I am actually doing the world a service by posting them on the internet.

I've been pondering lately on progress. In terms of my life (or yours, my one dear reader who stumbled upon my blog by mistake while looking for another Beth Castillo). Yes, I'm finally graduating for real this December, although I already quite magnificently fake-graduated back in April. I've been pretty much done with my major since April 2009 and have put off facing the real world for a while.

I'm sure it'll be filled with wonderful things, wonderful times, and wonderful people, but that doesn't really mean much to me now. There are things I want to do with my time; I want to find some way to make a positive difference in the lives of others, to actually help improve people's lives. But is that through pursuing my post-graduate goals? Through being a mom? (...eventually) Going on a mission? That's me being open and honest again, you lucky reader you.

I know I've grown and changed so much through both the good and bad experiences I've had. But I still don't know where I'll be in 3 months. Good thing that isn't scary. : )

physics!

So I just spent a couple hours last night learning about capacitors in all shapes and sizes, electrostatic precipitators, dielectrics, and a whole bunch more smart sounding stuff. I'm basically a genius. Too bad I will never have an opportunity to demonstrate my new found knowledge of all things electrical until my lab next week (which I will probably fail). I'm such a smarty pants, I can barely stand myself.

I love you, sunshine!

Reading that, you may assume I'm talking about an actual person.... which I may be.... but more likely, you should assume I'm just referring to my love of all things warm.

Personalities, macaroni and cheese, hot springs, and oh yeah, summer!

I do love being a hypocrite (my favorite season is actually fall...) but even so, I cannot deny that I am sad that summer with its radiant glow is fading. So, thank you September for giving me the best of both worlds.

Fall with its beautiful foliage, pumpkin pie, caramel apples, and celebration of my birth (November 14th, mark your calendar) also brings with it the frigid cold.

So until that happens, enjoy with me the glorious warmth of summer while it is still here.

One step at a time...

Someday I will be able to run like the wind...

...today is not that day. Think twice before cross country skiing...

victory!

98% In Chem 123!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Boo Yah grandma!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Apparently I'm a chemistry genius.

Oy Vey

I was trying to think of a good way to put off studying for my OSU Chem 123 final tomorrow, and I thought why not just type a blog post. Obviously I love myself a lot and think the world would be so much better off to hear my personal thoughts. Please don't judge my grammar, I've been trying to figure out what the isomer of 2-butanol is for about 20 minutes and my brain is shot. I don't have comments enabled, so if you're a big commenter, sorry.

Irony

Oh blog, I'm back!! I may or may not have completely forgotten that this existed.

Ugh, just when you think life is going your way, you face plant it into your wakeboard. Don't worry this picture is old. Believe it or not, I have a history of injuries. It happens.

What I love the most, is that I've always thought blogging is really silly. But here I am, typing a post that most likely only I will ever read. I promise I don't expect anyone to actually ever spend time here, I am just very inventive in my ways to procrastinate doing any real work.

What inspired me to take the time to type this beauty of a post today are some recent events. Not the black eye or anything of that sort. It astounds me how often I can mess up or give the wrong impression. Seriously, it's the story of my life.

I'm being very open. You're welcome. I'm going to throw another picture in for good measure.

I love BYU too!

Max Hall, you rock.

I went to Costco today. Sometimes I don't know how to feel about it. It's kind of like that one kid in your class who makes jokes all the time. Mostly you find him funny and entertaining, but then every once in a while you think he's a tad annoying, and wonder what his ultimate life plans are. Although you like him, you are at a few times curious if the class would be easier if he weren't there. For instance, I know straight up that Costco saves me 8 cents on gas per gallon, and $6 off an ipod nano if I were to buy one there. That's cool. Sure that 30 roll pack of toilet paper and huge bag of frozen chicken will have me set for a long time. But then it means I'm walking out with only 5 items in my cart for a whopping $78!! Now, for sure it may pay off to buy in bulk in the end, but really? Seventy eight dollars?!

I do have to say that shrimp thai pad I bought there today was mighty delicious.

I really should be studying for my Microbiology test.

I love the weekend!

And I like you too.