Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Contacts, I Hate You... Part 3

Friends, let me take you back to Thursday, June 21st 2012. Now, June 21st's have always been notorious for being bad in my life history. Really, I can't think of much good that has ever come from a June 21st. Let me explain how Bryant Milesi from my kindergarten class is responsible for me waking up on a strange couch at 2 am.

Thursday morning, I woke up at about 10:13am feeling good about life. I was fairly optimistic for how my Thursday would go. I became way too ambitious and thought "Self, I have a great idea! I'll wear my contacts today, I'll actually be able to see the children I teach!". Unfortunately, with seasonal allergies, about 20 local wildfires, and a climate drier than the Sahara, it wasn't too successful. I got a contact in my right eye after 15 minutes and felt pretty confident. How wrong I was. I next tried my left eye and found myself with my contact "missing". Remembering the incident of October 17th, I knew I needed to hunt around my eye. Indeed, there he was, lurking under my left eyelid all cozy and rolled up. After extracting the contact, I tried again. And again. And again. Suddenly, it was 11:30, I had to leave, and I only had one contact in.

So, I try taking out my right contact. I miss. I try again. I miss again. Finally, my eyes are contact-free. My vision is more than typically blurry and more bloodshot than a hippie on 4/20, but I am free.

I continue throughout my day and find my vision is worse than typical. Why did I fail so badly at flag-football practice? Obviously it was my eyesight. This also goes for why I almost rode my bicycle into a telephone pole and how I ended up almost killing myself after institute. After a very long, detailed, informative institute lesson, I was happily sitting around socializing and eating a cookie. Now, this cookie was an allergist's nightmare. It had chocolate, white chocolate, oatmeal, almonds, walnuts, and coconut lurking in small slivers. Blindly oblivious to this noxious drupe in my seemingly innocuous cookie, I ate on. I got through about 2/3 of the cookie before a friend, watching me eat, spotted those slivers of coconut. I hurredly disposed of as much of the coconut as I could and sped off on my bicycle back to my apartment. And this is where my memory gets fuzzy. I took some benedryl to ensure my face didn't blow up. I think I ended up at someone's intramural game? And riding around in someone's car? And watching I.Q.? All I know for certain is that I found myself eventually alone and very confused on Heather Cove 12's couch at 2 in the morning with a couple unexplained text messages sent from my phone.

There I am, back when I had 20/20 vision. Bryant Milesi is all the way on the left. 
The moral of the story, beware the 21st of June. And any kindergartner named Bryant.

Monday, June 11, 2012

Pros and Cons of Working with Children

My new job involves working with the (mostly) delightful children of Utah County. Having survived my first week, I have already compiled some of the best and the worst factors of spending an extended amount of time with the younger population.

Pro: Instant Self-Esteem booster

If you want to feel better about yourself, work with kids. Not only do they treat you like a rockstar, some will actually cry when you leave. You can't buy that kind of flattery. You will be told many times how awesome/beautiful your clothes, hair, face, earrings, shoes, and eyes are.

Con: Prepare to always hear complaining about something

The classroom is too cold/hot, you spent to little/much time on snack break, someone else in the class didn't look at them nicely... it literally goes on and on. You develop very quickly a constantly empathetic expression and become adept at appeasement. I suddenly have a lot more sympathy for Neville Chamberlain.

Pro: It's cool to be dorky

You can let your inner freak flag fly, because, the more silly and ridiculous you act, the more they love it. On the same side, you can be a know-it-all without being completely obnoxious. You get asked a question about why lasers are called lasers and you can launch into a 15 minute explanation about 'Light Amplification by Stimulated Emission of Radiation' and have 20 faces in complete awe stare back at you. (note: They might not actually be impressed as much as they are just completely lost... as you are next asked what 'acronym' means. This doesn't matter, take it as flattery and leave it at that)

Con: You have to have about 50 pairs of eyes

I think I'm beginning to understand the biological advantage to having multiple eyes. Generally these are granted to creatures with very large numbers of offspring. I believe that, in large groups, the young of any species are apt to go completely out of control. All it takes is for you to be helping one group of children with their project to turn around and find someone attempting to climb out a window, or up a flagpole, or over a fence, or on top of the piano, or into a stranger's van, or under the bleachers, or into the bushes, or into some other highly hazardous area.

Pro: It's FUN!

There's a reason people voluntarily choose this for employment. Kids are fun. Playing is fun. You get to release your inner child and just enjoy life again. Yes, it can be very stressful, and yes you have to solve many many ridiculous disputes and constantly save them from themselves, but it is really worth it. Nothing is cooler than seeing a kid learn something new or do something they'd only seen happen in movies. That excitement is contagious. It's refreshing to be reminded of life when the biggest worries are what's for dinner and what I'm going to build with my lego set.

(p.s. I don't know why there's like 3 different types of font going on... just go with it)