Friday, January 11, 2013

Things I will never understand.

Over the years of my life I have come to accept many things. True understanding in some sectors of my existence continues to elude me though. It doesn't matter how much investigating or mental pondering I do, I am still unable to fathom certain things...

1. Bobby Pins
If you are a girl, or a boy with voluptuous hair, you will know what I am talking about. Every time you have to vacuum a room, the floor is covered with hundreds if not thousands of them. However, if you just need a quick bobby to pin up your hair, there isn't a single one to be found. I know that over the years, I have bought plenty of those 100 pack things of hair pins. Every night, I take the 4 or 5 out of my hair and set them down on my nightstand. It should be simple enough the next morning, right? No. Sometime in the middle of the night, they have disappeared. So, I go and spend another 99 cents on another package. The 4-5 bobby pin attrition soon makes this new package eventually go empty too. Where do they go?! The blackhole of my room that only emerges once I've plugged in a vacuum cleaner. But, I am smarter than them. This morning, I found myself hunting around my room for a couple bobby pins to pin up my bangs. Of course, I couldn't find a single one. So, I go and grab the vacuum cleaner. 5 seconds into it, I find a cache of bobby pins, all muttering to themselves "well played".

2. The Kardashians
How are they famous? Why do I know who they are? No, I would never, never go seeking out their TV show or really anything about them. But yet, I could give you all sorts of details about Khloe and Lamar, Kourtney and Scott and their two kids, and the freak show that is Kanye and Kim. How?? And more  importantly, why??

3. Why People Insist on Loving Frigid Winters
Believe me, I like playing in snow just as much as the average person. But living in it is awful. Gosh awful. Anyone insisting on it being their favorite season or whatever is just deluding theirself (I'm looking at you, Stephen Thurston, Matt Manwaring).

Let's look the perks of a mild, California Winter:
-Going outside without feeling that your face is going to freeze off
-Not having this happen. (I saw no less than 3 cars almost completely lose control on my street today.)
-Not having to spend hours upon hours shoveling
-Not having to spend hours upon hours clearing snow off your car.
-Not having to resort to cannibalism to stay alive (I'm looking at you, Donner Party [ok, I know there's scientific evidence that they didn't actually resort to cannibalism, and it was in CA. but, it was in the CA mountains])
-Not having to worry about frost bite
-The Sun.

Look, going to visit the snow is fine. Fun, in fact. I just don't want to look out my front door at 1 in the afternoon and see this:

4. How/When/Why This Started.

I think I lost a few facebook friends over our cat posts during the last few months... It still makes me laugh though... so oh well! 

EDIT: Just kidding! I know why I love cat stuff. Because they're Adorable!

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

2013 Bucket List

Alright. I went on a 15 minute rant the other day about why I hate making resolutions. Mostly, it's because I never fulfill them, and by calling them stupid I make myself feel better. However, my old roommate Kellie put a bucket list challenge on her blog. I figured while I'm sitting here on hold with cancellation services for 24 fitness (It's at 11:24 minutes so far), I'd go ahead and give it a whirl. Yes, I may be the only person in America cancelling a gym membership right now. Let's not talk about it. Anyway, since it's not a list of resolutions, I don't feel morally obligated to not do it.

#1 Make Myself Real Food
Every once and a while, I'll feel particularly ambitious, and I'll make myself some sort of gourmet, healthy meal. By once and a while, I mean maybe a couple times a month. Otherwise, I live off a constant input of old Halloween candy, Sara Lee bread, string cheese, and soy powder. My current roommate is always making these impressive homemade soups and pasta sauce from vegetables in the front garden that she picked herself. As I'm sitting there, eating a double decker taco from Taco Bell, I'll usually say "that's nice". And then go back to my churro. No more! At least one half of my meals will be made by my hands, and will not involve a microwave! (I was going to say all, but then, let's be real)
This never happened

#2 No More Casts, Braces, Crutches etc. 
I have a little bit of a problem. And that problem involves ignoring something when it hurts, only to have it break when I step off a curb. Some things are seemingly inevitable (having a pallet of sod dropped on me, etc.) but some are preventable. I'm looking at you, stress fracture. It doesn't matter what has me upset. Nothing is worth angry-running until I have to wear a walking boot. And they aren't cute. (24:27 minutes on hold now)
 I failed here too, oh well.

#3 No More Beyonce Nights
Things happen. Life is sad. But if you've heard this story, you'll know what I mean. Never again. Next time I want to listen to "If I were a Boy", I'm throwing in a kickboxing video with Jillian Michaels instead.
Accomplished as of 12/31/2013

#4 See the Grand Canyon
2013 is the year. This is happening! I don't know when, or with whom, but it will. I do not care if I have to drive myself in the middle of the night.
Accomplished as of 3/15/2013

#5 Tube Down the Provo River
I can't believe I haven't done this yet.
Accomplished that one Saturday in August 2013

#6 Get into Grad School
If it's the last thing I do. Even if it has to be an obscure, unaccredited online university through the Bahamas, I will get into a school.
Accomplished as of 2/3/2013
and again 3/20/2013

#7 Cancel This Damn Gym Membership
We're at 37:58 minutes. I'm calling your bluff, 24 hour fitness. I will wait here forever if I have to.
Accomplished as of 1:39 pm PST.  Booya. 

Edit: On hold 58:39