Truthfully, I really do think it's funny that I am struggling so much with everything right now. I guess it's just a long process to work out our feelings about things. You have to put on a happy face for 90% of the time, and then the other 10% you are too busy to let yourself be sad. Plus, who can be sad when it's sunny outside?
Honestly, I have never felt so scared. I guess I always assumed that nothing would be permanent. I know, it really is ridiculous, I guess I'm not living in an earthquake/tsunami ravaged country, I'm not blind, nothing's been amputated. I just can't force myself to be positive about it... yet.
I love talking with my mom. I feel like I can tell her pretty much everything. I admitted that I've been feeling very very low about my future. She told me that she wasn't worried because she knew I'm very resilient. She said that she would be more concerned if she didn't think that I'd eventually be fine, that I'd bounce back. Moms are the best. I really am grateful she mentioned this to me because I think it's something I have always taken for granted about myself. There was never any doubt that one day... soon-ish... I'd be back to my normal optimism again. As humans, we are amazingly capable of adapting. I'll get used to my limitations, and before I know it, I'm sure that I won't even think about it.
It's ok that I'm not happy about it right now. I'm no quitter. I drug my torn-MCL-leg downhill a mile and a half, with just two ski poles for support, dang it. Two weeks later I snowshoed 3 miles on that same leg. Of course this was dumb, and I didn't regain full use for several months, but that is not the point. I was the smallest, youngest kid on every soccer team I ever played on, I was duck-footed and fell all the time. So, I just put on my scariest face and ran straight at the other kids and got the ball from them. Every time. I also got a few yellow cards, but again not the point. What I'm saying is, just you try and get me down.