Sunday, December 22, 2013

The 5 Most Overrated Things of All Time

 There is nothing worse than being let down. Sometimes you think you've made the right decision and that all your hopes and dreams have finally been fulfilled. Unexpectedly in a jarring explosive burst, those expectations go up in an all-consuming flame. You put so much faith, belief, and trust into something only to discover that it's just a facade, underneath which lies the smoldering ruins of a sham that never truly was. I am sorry, but I must now put you through this, and expose the greatest overrated and unnecessary things of all time.

1. ZzzQuil/Mucinex

This goes for basically any medication approved by the FDA. The generic is exactly the same thing. I cannot tell you how many times I see people buying their ridiculous, overpriced fancy brand named medication. ZzzQuil? It's Benedryl. Nothing more, nothing less. If you insist on having it in a liquid form, buy some liquid diphenhydramine. You'll save about $4. You're welcome. The same goes for Mucinex. It's just Guaifenesin. Buy that instead.

2. Hulu + 

I know the website touts the premium version as being worth the $7.99 a month charge, but this is a filthy lie. While not having to wait 6 days to watch the most recent episode of New Girl is neat, I still have to endure several 90 second commercials for eHarmony, Chanel No 5, and Kitty Litter. Except now, Hulu not only has my money, but all my demographic information which it gives the advertising firms to exploit. And they don't even exploit my information correctly! While I am a single female in my mid-ish 20's, I do not own a cat, I will never use online dating again, and I cannot even afford this stupid subscription, much less $150.00 perfume.

3. Columbus Day

I know this is officially a holiday, but it is the most ridiculous one ever created. What exactly is it celebrating? Now, I'm Spanish, so I grew up with a slightly skewed perspective on the whole "Invade a continent and instigate a massive cultural genocide" thing, but even I don't know what it's all about. So, yes, a dude got confused about the location of India and ended up smack dab on an Island in the Bahamas. He didn't actually even land on the American continent until like 6 years later. I'm all about celebrating Imperialism, but I didn't even get school off. Or candy. Or pie. Just no mail.

4. Black Friday

Of course, this doesn't even really exist anymore. It's mostly become "Black Thursday" or what I like to call "Thanksgiving". Unless you happen to find yourself in a zombie-apocalypsed deserted city, or anywhere rural enough that Wal-Mart is the town's crowning jewel, you will find yourself in a picked over store, standing in lines for hours for something that will likely be the same sale price in 3 weeks.

5. Snow

I acknowledge my sentiments towards snow might be biased because of my personal weather prejudices and inability to wedge skis and thus stop, but I submit it is one of the worst substances on earth. For one, it's cold. Secondly, it's dangerous. It directly causes car accidents, bike accidents, ski accidents, snowboarding accidents, and walking accidents. Plus, it gets in the way of windshields, trees, grass, sidewalks, and driveways. You will never have to shovel sunshine off your car or front porch!

Now that you know the truth, it's best to cope with it outright. Make your peace and find closure. You may have been wronged, but holding onto the bitterness will not be productive. Cry it out, distract yourself, and don't let it affect your happiness. Most importantly, let it go and don't look back!