Wednesday, April 18, 2012

How to Always be Happy

In life, devastating events can occur and we find ourselves facing nearly insurmountable odds. When we've climbed all the mountains we can, and find ourselves at the end of our emotional rope, there's really not anything we can do. Except crawl into a corner. And die.

That's not what this post is about. Don't ever allow yourself to be melodramatically depressive for more than 15 minutes if you're by yourself or for more than 30 if your with a group of empathizing friends. Maintain your happiness! This is crucial. Below are my tips for sustaining a balanced positivity in day to day life. This is not to be confused with Beating the Winter Blues, those suggestions are for last minute happiness boosters and should only be used in emergencies, and thus sparingly. You should try these on a nearly daily basis.

1. Eat Carrots

Not only are these golden finger-like gifts of the gods absolutely delicious, they're also packed full of vitamin A. And fiber. Once you've trained yourself to stress-eat carrots, you can cut out a good portion of your chocolate consumption. Meaning that now only 67% of your daily caloric intake is derived from Nestle or Hershey. Trust me, you can go through an entire bag of this delectable vegetable a day.

2. Watch Evita
First of all, this is the best movie ever made. Second, it has Antonio Banderas. The more you watch it, the better it gets. After a mere 15 viewings, you will know all the lyrics to all the songs. Which is bound to make you very popular with those of the opposite gender. All you have to do is saunter up to your intended target, croon out the lyrics to I'd Be Surprisingly Good for You, look at them seductively, and they're yours.

3. Drive up Provo Canyon

If you don't live in Provo or Utah County, just drive somewhere with trees or mountains. Or if you live in the midwest, drive to an Arby's. I'm not even kidding you that driving up that canyon brings more joy into my life than almost anything else. My favorite part is heading back towards Provo from the reservoir. There's one point in the drive right before you pass Sundance, where the angle of the mountains is just incredible. Really, you should try driving up there. Or maybe have someone else drive you up there so you don't go off the road after becoming entranced by this glorious view I just told you about.

4. Listen to Tom Jones

Ok, or really just It's Not Unusual. I first came to love this song when seeing it on Mars Attacks! in my youth and this love has stayed with me as I have grown. In fact, I find myself happily bouncing down the street, swinging my arms to the beat and beaming at everyone I walk past for nearly the entire 2.5 minute duration of the song. I have even found myself happily bounding along to this song as I've been trudging through snow.

5. Spend an Inordinate amount on time on Facebook

This is my best suggestion for maintaining a happy life. Get on Facebook. A lot. Not only does this make you feel like you're actually interacting with friends, you can do all sorts of things. Like, stalk your ex-boyfriend's roommate's sister's best friend's cousin's wedding pictures. Or go through liking everything that comes up on your news feed. Or looking for ways to make a cuss word on Words with Friends. Possibilities with Facebook are endless.

Well, friends. Stay positive, and do these things as often as you can for a happy and fulfilling life.