Strangely, having arrived at my earlier imagined nirvana, I am not as happy as I once supposed I would be. In fact, frankly I am bored senseless. The one benefit to the hours spent alone in my house is that I have devised many ways to keep myself entertained (although, believe me I have come close to painting a giant fresco of myself in The Creation of Adam onto my ceiling... if you haven't seen Rocketman and have no idea what I'm talking about, stop reading this right now and go and watch it! I'm serious!). I list them here, in case you ever find yourself in a similar state. If you are currently scoffing, thinking "No way! I am way too busy! I'll never have a free minute again!" realize that was me 1 short year ago. You never know when life is going to make you into a couch potato.
1. Read News Stories
And I mean all of them. Not only do you know what Snooki's pregnancy cravings are, you now have thorough insight into the implications of Keselowski's 232 lap lead at the food city 500, you know all about how Dun and Bradstreet have suspended production in China due to allegations of violations of anti-bribery laws (scandal!), and you are an expert in the 7 ways you are sabotaging your relationships. Congratulations! In any conversation during the following week, you are officially an obnoxious know-it-all.
2. Learn Phrases in Languages You Will Never Use
There is a reason Al Gore invented the internet. Waar is die badkamer? Miluju roztomilé štěňátka. Täname loed seda. Ĉu vi volas esti mia amiko?
3. Watch Battlestar Galactica
You will lose all self respect, but become proficient at locating cylons posing as humans.
There's a reason your Grandma loves it so much.
5. Re-read the Entire Harry Potter Series
I'm assuming you've already read them at least once, because if you haven't, you need to get your hiney over to Amazon right now and buy the ebook. The glorious thing about the Harry Potter books is that you start on the Sorcerer's Stone, and then you emerge 3407 pages later realizing that you haven't slept or bathed in over 96 hours.