Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Contacts, I Hate You... Part 3

Friends, let me take you back to Thursday, June 21st 2012. Now, June 21st's have always been notorious for being bad in my life history. Really, I can't think of much good that has ever come from a June 21st. Let me explain how Bryant Milesi from my kindergarten class is responsible for me waking up on a strange couch at 2 am.

Thursday morning, I woke up at about 10:13am feeling good about life. I was fairly optimistic for how my Thursday would go. I became way too ambitious and thought "Self, I have a great idea! I'll wear my contacts today, I'll actually be able to see the children I teach!". Unfortunately, with seasonal allergies, about 20 local wildfires, and a climate drier than the Sahara, it wasn't too successful. I got a contact in my right eye after 15 minutes and felt pretty confident. How wrong I was. I next tried my left eye and found myself with my contact "missing". Remembering the incident of October 17th, I knew I needed to hunt around my eye. Indeed, there he was, lurking under my left eyelid all cozy and rolled up. After extracting the contact, I tried again. And again. And again. Suddenly, it was 11:30, I had to leave, and I only had one contact in.

So, I try taking out my right contact. I miss. I try again. I miss again. Finally, my eyes are contact-free. My vision is more than typically blurry and more bloodshot than a hippie on 4/20, but I am free.

I continue throughout my day and find my vision is worse than typical. Why did I fail so badly at flag-football practice? Obviously it was my eyesight. This also goes for why I almost rode my bicycle into a telephone pole and how I ended up almost killing myself after institute. After a very long, detailed, informative institute lesson, I was happily sitting around socializing and eating a cookie. Now, this cookie was an allergist's nightmare. It had chocolate, white chocolate, oatmeal, almonds, walnuts, and coconut lurking in small slivers. Blindly oblivious to this noxious drupe in my seemingly innocuous cookie, I ate on. I got through about 2/3 of the cookie before a friend, watching me eat, spotted those slivers of coconut. I hurredly disposed of as much of the coconut as I could and sped off on my bicycle back to my apartment. And this is where my memory gets fuzzy. I took some benedryl to ensure my face didn't blow up. I think I ended up at someone's intramural game? And riding around in someone's car? And watching I.Q.? All I know for certain is that I found myself eventually alone and very confused on Heather Cove 12's couch at 2 in the morning with a couple unexplained text messages sent from my phone.

There I am, back when I had 20/20 vision. Bryant Milesi is all the way on the left. 
The moral of the story, beware the 21st of June. And any kindergartner named Bryant.