Wake Me Up When September Ends Part 2

Septembers are a month of growth and learning. I reflected last year on knowledge I attained throughout the last month of Summer/ first month of fall, and this year I did the same.

1. Grad School is Hard.

Let me preface this with saying I am so glad I have to opportunity to be in school right now. However, I must note, at the going rate, I will end up as a crazy-person living in a van by the river by the end of the 3 years. With only cat puppets as my friends.

2. Pumpkin is as addicting as crack cocaine

To be fair, I've never had crack cocaine before, but I hardly believe that anyone could want anything as much as I want pumpkin right now. I need it. I will have it. Fortunately, nearly every product imaginable is currently available in pumpkin flavor. In fact, I really wouldn't be surprised if pumpkin flavored crack cocaine existed. And that would likely be the most addictive substance on the planet. At least pumpkin-crack-cocaine wouldn't make me gain as much weight as I'm bound to from my daily hits of pumpkin pastries and drinks.

3. We Are More Resilient Than We Think We Are

Whether it's a constant onslaught of cold-kidney stone-cold, hours of working at a job that sucks the life and happiness out of you (much like a dementor), a midterm that makes the Hunger Games look like musical chairs, random family health crises, or other random etc seemingly straight out of a soap opera, you can make it! I'm not necessarily claiming that any of these things have ever happened to me, but if they had, I could tell you it's surprisingly livable. All of this with Pretty Little Liars being on hiatus until January. That's pretty good, my friends.

4. You Can't Depend On a BYU Quarterback

You think you've finally found "the one". In the past, you've gotten your hopes up, only to be let down again. You promise yourself never again. After a series of fumbles and foul-ups, you have standards now. Then a new quarterback comes into your life (and onto the field) and dazzles you. Just when you think you can finally commit and have the season you've always dreamed of, you're disappointed again. All BYU needs is a kitty-quarterback, that would fall short of no one's expectations.

Life Lessons From the Movie Volcano

 
I have no doubt I should be studying right now. Given the massive midterm I have in 6 days, 17 hours, and 36 minutes that has the potential to alter my future, I'm clearly spending my time well. That being said, any who claim to know me should know that I have a great love for 90's national/natural disaster movies. Recently I had the opportunity to watch Volcano, my favorite movie ever made about a pyroclastic eruption in the middle of LA. Among the other catastrophes my young eyes witnessed on my television screen as I was raised (including, but not limited to alien invaders, massive asteroids, more volcanoes, twisters, more asteroids, and dinosaurs in San Diego), Volcano shaped me into the paranoid, anxious person I am today. Viewing it again, here are some important things that can be applied to our everyday lives.

1. It is never "just an eathquake"

To borrow a phrase from the best series ever written, constant vigilance! Don't let your guard down friends. Especially when you've been warned. I made the mistake of watching "Final Destination" as a young one. Sometimes death (or misfortune) is just out to get you. That near miss is a clear message that you should stay away from any and all fast moving or sharp objects. Also, taking vacation is a terrible idea. Don't even think about it. The entire city will probably start to burn down just as you start to walk out of the office. Or 7 city workers will become vaporized while everyone seems weirdly ok with it. There's always something nefarious lurking under the surface. Possibly a giant volcano that not a single geologist or scientist seems able to identify or predict until it erupts. In the middle of one of the highest populated urban areas in the country.

2. Racism is bad. Teamwork however is not. 

Mr. African American gentleman is rightly frustrated with the dismissive and bigoted LAPD officer with whom he has the misfortune to run into again just as his street is burning up and lava is streaming down Wilshire Blvd. Good thing they decide to unhandcuff him just in time for him to singlehandedly save the city. At least until the lava shifts direction and heads straight for the hospital where the entire city's 4 million person population is being treated (see above lesson, you're never safe) . If ever you feel you are being subjected to unfair or prejudiced treatment, find a way to heroically intervene. Then and only then will you receive the reasonable help you've been seeking. Also, as precocious and idiotic child who ran into a garage rigged with explosives notes "they all look the same" covered in ash. Except they don't.

3. Love can be unexpected. And terribly timed.

So, maybe Anne Heche's best friend (and lady love?!) was vaporized mere hours before, and she is likely in a state of severe psychological shock and trauma. But, Tommy Lee's eyes are just so dreamy! And did you see the way he took charge there and spent the majority of the 99 minute movie shouting at people? MMmmmmm. Similarly in life, you will usually find love at the most inopportune times with some very incompatible people. Don't fear. Live in the moment, especially while the rest of the world is collapsing around you in a toxic cloud of ash, smoke, and magma. You probably won't last much longer anyways. YOLO!

4. Teenagers are Helpless. And idiotic. 

Never, I mean, NEVER leave your child with one. Especially if there's a river of hot magma heading their way. And they're in a blast zone of buildings seconds away from being blown up. Unless Tommy Lee is nearby. He'll pull them out of the rubble without a scratch. Oh, that Tommy Lee....

5. Always listen to the person yelling loudest and longest.

That entire scene where the nicotine-addicted Metro guy melts could've been avoided if he just listened to Tommy Lee. I mean, 7 dudes just got vaporized the day before within feet of the subway line. I mean, really? You don't think that's a little weird? Although, that scene where he slowly descends into the red hot magma and literally melts before our eyes was nearly as traumatic as that scene in Who Framed Roger Rabbit when Judge doom is flattened, eyes pops out, then slowly and terrifyingly disintegrates. It's good for you to watch as a child. It builds character, and neurosis. For heaven's sake, if someone is angrily shouting at you to close the red line, CLOSE THE RED LINE!

Eighth Reason The World is Ending AKA Rest in Peace Arden Burger King

Thanks to google maps, the very Burger King to which I refer. 

In Remembrance:

Friends, we all have those days. The ones where your childhood illusions come crashing down into a pitfall of disappointment. When you realize Santa is really your parents, only .0000000000001% of the population can go to space, and that the ninja turtles are actually kind of lame (really, they just sit around all day with some old rat in the sewers eating pizza. really?)

Yes, today I have learned that the Burger King of my youth, formerly home to Sacramento's, nay the world's coolest play set has closed its grease smeared doors for the last time. This paragon of the rapid dining experience was the go-to establishment for the last minute snack-attack. After practice, before practice, or at two in the morning, you could get your Hershey's sundae pie, your bacon bbq burger, your Whopper. No, the fries weren't nearly as good as McDonalds', but dang, that was like a 7 minute drive away. I mean we could walk to Burger King (but let's be honest, we'd usually drive). In the summer, there was a choice between a cherry or Coca-Cola Icee, and you could pick whichever fountain drink flavor you wanted (or all of them at once). Yes, you suspected gang activity in the parking lot, and there was always that sketchy upholstery shop next door, which you know is fronting for something (there is no way that many people need their furniture upholstered). But, that just gave the place character. A character that is now lost to the world forever. I will snap a picture with my phone of your sad empty facade once I have a chance (I'll probably forget). RIP Burger King and my childhood.

Poinsettias, Debt, and Optimism

As I spent the entirety of the previous day budgeting out the next 25 years of my life (it's sad, guys. it's really sad), I also realized how much of my next three years will be spent doing fun things (very little). In order to avoid tail-spinning into a cavern of gloom and pessimism, I wanted to take some time before work today to review one of life's treasures. 

Poinsettias.

Let me share with you the tears, the dedication, and the triumphs.

FLASHBACK: Now, when I was stuck in purgatory (the BYU greenhouse) for two months in between wrist surgeries back in 2010, they had me do as much as I could with one arm in a cast and a sling. I was super depressed, wasn't allowed to drive, and was on a constant stream of nauseating pain meds. I had to one-handedly polish the tropical plants prior to devotional or pick up small items around the greenhouse. For 6 hours a day. Every day. Then, they put me in charge of watering the little poinsettias. This was my favorite job. I kept those damn things alive through painstakingly careful watering. At the end of the semester, as I was leaving for my final surgery, they let me take a little guy home with me to keep. Forever. I transferred all of my rage, sadness, and disappointment over what grounds and that pallet of sod had done to me into hope in that tiny plant. Surgery completed and cast removed, I met up with my brother and sister to begin our long drive back home. I had buckled my little poinsettia carefully in the back seat of the car, and planned on planting him in my backyard. My brother, tired and cranky that we were leaving at 6:30 in the morning, haphazardly threw his bags into the back and slammed the door. The little guy was completely crushed. His little poinsettia arms were broken and bleeding out white sap everywhere. I started sobbing and yelling right there in the parking lot. My brother thought I was crazy, but months later, after I brought it up in every gathering, he came to understand what that poinsettia meant. 

Fast forward to last year. For my birthday, my brother gave me a new celebratory poinsettia. The next week, I went home for Thanksgiving, and the poinsettia promptly died. Or came close to it.

So, if you took the time to read through that long, tragic, italicized story, you'll understand how sad I was. This new poinsettia was my second chance at redemption. At it died. Within two weeks. Now, My roommate graciously gave up the kitchen sink as I tried to nurse this pathetic plant back to health. It seemed worse than futile. Nearly all of the leaves dropped off and just a few sad barren stalks remained. I didn't give up though and a couple weeks later tiny new leaves began to sprout.

We both would be leaving to our respective home states soon though, abandoning this helpless wounded plant to fend for itself and likely die the final death. I had to do the unthinkable then. I had to ask someone who I wasn't really in much contact with to come to the house every day and keep my poor little guy alive for the 3 weeks I was gone. (I really need to make more friends in Sandy). I got back, and found that true to his word, this old friend had kept my baby alive.

And, 7 months later, look at him now!

There are few things quite as inspirational as a poinsettia that refuses to die. I dare you to find a better anecdote against discouragement.

I Hate Murray

Unfortunately since more than 80% of my blog views come from mysterious internet sources, I can't tell you why I hate Murray as much as I do. Suffice it to say that I do. Even more than the town of Wells, Nevada. And that's saying something.

Friends, I'm trying to be optimistic, however sometimes I truly believe that the goobly-goop that gypsy yelled at me back in Alcala de Henares Spain in 2007 was actually a bona-fide gypsy curse. Here is my corollary evidence. 

1. The Salt Flats Depantsing of 2007

2. The Near Death Timpanogos Incident of 2007

3. The Near Death Lawn Mower Incident of 2008

4. The Brick Oven Stalker of 2008

5. The Tetanus Hanger Stabbing of 2008

6. The Near Death Pizza Box Crushing of 2008 

7. The ER Visit of 2008

8. The Anatomy Lab Trashcan Concussion of 2008

9. The Apartment Drama of 2009

10. The Sod Incident of 2009

11. The Near Death Lawn Mower Incident of 2009

12. The Christmas Party Dress Incident of 2009

13. The Broken Foot Incident of 2009

14. The MOA Pond Incident of 2009
15. The Swine Flu of 2009

16. The X-Country Skiing Accident of 2010

17. The Snowshoeing Incident of 2010

18. The Speeding 7 Over on the Way to a Children's Hospital Incident of 2010

19.  The Near Death Lawn Mower Incident of 2010

20. The Near Death Edger Incident of 2010
21. The Bicentennial Pond Incident of 2010

22. The "Did I Hear A Bear?!" Camping Incident of 2010

23. The Disappointing Surgery of 2010

24. The Black Eye of 2010

25. The Percocet Incident of 2010

26. The Broken Foot Incident of 2011
27. Brandon Davies and the Worst Way to End a 36 Hour Campout Incident of 2011

28. The Bike Accident of 2011

29. The Black Eye of 2011

30. The Bee Attack of 2011
31. The 4th of July Asthma Attack of 2011 

32. The Lost For 2 Hours in the Woods Camping Incident of 2011

33. The Retearing of the Knee of 2011

34. The 77 in a 75 Zone Incident of 2011 (WELLS!!!)

35. The Pre-Church Day After I Was Dumped Ice Slippage of 2012

36. The Tramadol Incident of 2012
37. The Kicked in the Face Incident of 2012

38. The Broken Foot Incident of 2012
39. The Easter ER Visit of 2012

40. The Crazy Man in SF Attack of 2012

41. The Grad School New Agey Rejection of 2012

42. The Grad School Losing My Recommendation Letters 3 Times Incident of 2012

43. The Followed Home From the Maverick Station by a Creeper Truck Incident of 2013 

44. The Car Randomly Starts Acting Ghetto Incident of 2013

45. The Broken Finger of 2013

46. The Kidney Stone of 2013

47. The "Is That a Murderer in the Garage?!" Incident of 2013

48. The Deal With a Crazy Person Incident of 2013

49. The DOPL Office Taking a Lifetime to Process My License Incident of 2013

50. The Murray is Literally Ruining My Life Incident of 2013 

EDIT: The curse isn't broken. Here's some more fun little anecdotes

51. The Unfortunately Timed Middle-of-solo-trip-across Nevada fever of 2013
52. The Freak Two Day Old Laptop Break of 2013
53. The Unfortunately timed first-week-of-grad-school Kidney Stone of 2013
54. The "make up your dang mind!" Incidents of 2013
55. The Midterm Flat Tire Incident of 2013
56. The Freak Bathroom Elbow Break of 2013
57. The Mid-Breakup-Pre-Christmas-Last-Final Parking Ticket Incident of 2013
58. The Christmas Undercooked Pork Roast Food Poisoning of 2013
Also, see thorn incident of 2014

And that's just to list a few. Draw your own conclusions, friends. 

Les Miserables and Other Ridiculous Things

Now, I like much of the world did enjoy Les Mis. I saw the musical in London in fact, and liked it. I typically dislike musicals with a fiery passion. (Except for the glorious masterpiece Evita of course). However, there were some things I have to point out as being beyond ridiculous.

Absurd Thing #1

Really, Anne Hathaway. Turning to selling your hair, pulling your teeth, and prostitution was your only option?! Paris is a huge city. There isn't a single other factory to work in? There was no where else you could possibly work?? You lost your hair and were really sad and pathetic, and I feel for you, but you really should learn to take losing your job in stride. 

Absurd Thing #2

I'm sorry Victor Hugo, Javier is just too wacky for me to believe. I understand his portrayal is somewhat hyperbolic and metaphoric, but please. You really expect me to go with the idea that this guy will spend so many resources over decades to track down some dude who stole a loaf of bread, served his time, was legally released and then didn't quite follow parole correctly. Javier, you need to reevaluate some things buddy. And you need to try some escitalopram. There's no need for you to act like such a maniac. 

Absurd Thing #3

Cosette. (Amanda Seyfried). I still can't take her seriously. 

Absurd Thing #4 

Cosette and cutie pie's romance. 

I'm sorry, but if I fell so madly in love with some random dude I only interacted with for 5 minutes through a fence, I don't think my friends and family would be quite so supportive. You two are ridiculous. Straight up. 

Absurd Thing #5 

Pathetic Fantine. C'mon girl, have some self respect. We've all been through unrequited love. It sucks, but life goes on. Really. I know cutie pie is great, but there are other guys in that giant city. Just stay away from wackos like Javier. 

All things considered. The music is still so dang catchy. And the young actors are so pretty. And so is CGI 19th century Paris. I'd still watch it again. 

April! Without the yellow jumpsuit.

And yes I'm talking about Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. In the style of obnoxious self aggrandizing holiday card updates, here are some of the highlights of this recent month.

First of all, can I just say, this has been a weird few weeks. Cray-cray is the best description. As many of my friends know, I am finishing up my pharmacy technician externship. Which concludes my 180 hours of unpaid hell. I mean heck. No, I really mean hell. It's become much more bearable, as I make fewer mistakes and begin to feel like a competent human being again. Plus wearing scrubs is so comfy. It's like going to work in your pajamas. Essentially a dream come true. 

I had a couple weird/scary personal things, but those have all hopefully passed. To whomever is sending me spammy/virusey emails with my sister's name and a link with vaguely threatening verbage, I think I know who you are. You actually used your name in the link. It's not sneaky.

I'm going to the U! Which is very exciting, although to be honest I still feel kinda dirty whenever I wear or even look at Ute paraphernalia. I can only hope that feeling will eventually go away. It makes me want to go and buy a BYU shirt to wear around everywhere. Hopefully I don't get mugged this next year. 

I'm done with my finals! Not that these classes really even matter that much, I just needed a 70%, and bear in mind, these classes were online. If you've ever taken online classes, you know that they are one of the biggest self esteem boosters on the planet (apart from tinder). 

So many of my friends are getting married/ finding the loves of their lives! It really does feel like things are starting to work out for a lot of us. I am right on track for my future cabin alone in the woods where I will be accompanied by dozens of cats and puppies. Could life be better? :)

Pros and Cons of Being a Lady

I was adorable

Is it more difficult to be a girl or a guy? Obviously as I am of the female persuasion, I view things from that perspective. But while I have never been a man, I know some of what you go through. We'll start with you.

Man Pros

- A morning routine that can take less than 10 minutes.
- No need to blow dry, straighten, and then curl your hair.
- Split ends? Do you even know what those are?
- Metabolism.
- Rugged man smell.
- Overall less gossiping.
- At family get togethers, can avoid helping in the kitchen and just watch/play a game.
-  Less crying.
- No one thinks you're crazy for jogging around your neighborhood at 9pm alone.
- Outfit planning for church involves choosing between the red tie and the blue tie.
- Spacial skills.
- You can be pope.
- Don't have to worry about getting puffy every 4 weeks. And the hormonal roller coaster. And everything else.
- Weird skin day? Grow a beard. (Unless you're going to BYU...)
- Ability to do manly awesome things like chop wood.
- Can wear comfortable clothes pretty much all the time. With fewer layers.
- Don't have to be afraid to be alone in your own house.
- People believe you when you say you like watching sports.
- You don't have to wonder how you'll have both a family and a career.
- Fewer cases of bunions.

Everyone's got to have an ambiguous gender photo

Lady Pros

- We don't even need to open our own doors. But we can if we want to. That's pretty neat.
- We're allowed to smell like vanilla rain blossoms.
- Weird skin day? Hello concealer.
- We're generally given more leeway. Tears can accomplish so much.
- Our hair may take forever, but it is always there to play with when we get bored.
- We're allowed to giggle.
- We can paint our nails all sorts of awesome colors.
- We're pretty much allowed to wear whatever we want. Giant comfy man shirt? Sure.
- Stressed? Go shopping.
- We can make babies.
- Picking outfits can actually be fun, given enough time and resources.
- Makeup has done wonders for us, ladies. Let's be honest with ourselves.
- We're allowed to secretly like Justin Beiber.
- No matter what's going on in our life, one look at a baby animal, and we're back.
- It doesn't sound as creepy when we talk about our celebrity crushes.
- People occasionally underestimate our intelligence, giving us perpetual opportunities to prove them wrong.

I'm sure I've offended someone with my sweeping generalizations. I'm sorry (*cute girly giggle*).

 (I'm also not that vapid, I promise.)


This weekend, my roommate and I heard what we thought was someone in our garage. Before I opened the garage, my roommate thought it would be smarter to have someone else (a guy) there in case there was a scary murderer in there. It's moments like this that make us feel vulnerable, which stinks. We're just lucky we had people we could call. If you're a guy, and awesome, thank you for being awesome. Being a lady can be hard.

Things I will never understand.

Over the years of my life I have come to accept many things. True understanding in some sectors of my existence continues to elude me though. It doesn't matter how much investigating or mental pondering I do, I am still unable to fathom certain things...

1. Bobby Pins
If you are a girl, or a boy with voluptuous hair, you will know what I am talking about. Every time you have to vacuum a room, the floor is covered with hundreds if not thousands of them. However, if you just need a quick bobby to pin up your hair, there isn't a single one to be found. I know that over the years, I have bought plenty of those 100 pack things of hair pins. Every night, I take the 4 or 5 out of my hair and set them down on my nightstand. It should be simple enough the next morning, right? No. Sometime in the middle of the night, they have disappeared. So, I go and spend another 99 cents on another package. The 4-5 bobby pin attrition soon makes this new package eventually go empty too. Where do they go?! The blackhole of my room that only emerges once I've plugged in a vacuum cleaner. But, I am smarter than them. This morning, I found myself hunting around my room for a couple bobby pins to pin up my bangs. Of course, I couldn't find a single one. So, I go and grab the vacuum cleaner. 5 seconds into it, I find a cache of bobby pins, all muttering to themselves "well played".

2. The Kardashians
How are they famous? Why do I know who they are? No, I would never, never go seeking out their TV show or really anything about them. But yet, I could give you all sorts of details about Khloe and Lamar, Kourtney and Scott and their two kids, and the freak show that is Kanye and Kim. How?? And more  importantly, why??

3. Why People Insist on Loving Frigid Winters
Believe me, I like playing in snow just as much as the average person. But living in it is awful. Gosh awful. Anyone insisting on it being their favorite season or whatever is just deluding theirself (I'm looking at you, Stephen Thurston, Matt Manwaring).

Let's look the perks of a mild, California Winter:
-Going outside without feeling that your face is going to freeze off
-Not having this happen. (I saw no less than 3 cars almost completely lose control on my street today.)
-Not having to spend hours upon hours shoveling
-Not having to spend hours upon hours clearing snow off your car.
-Not having to resort to cannibalism to stay alive (I'm looking at you, Donner Party [ok, I know there's scientific evidence that they didn't actually resort to cannibalism, and it was in CA. but, it was in the CA mountains])
-Not having to worry about frost bite
-The Sun.

Look, going to visit the snow is fine. Fun, in fact. I just don't want to look out my front door at 1 in the afternoon and see this:

4. How/When/Why This Started.

I think I lost a few facebook friends over our cat posts during the last few months... It still makes me laugh though... so oh well! 

EDIT: Just kidding! I know why I love cat stuff. Because they're Adorable!

2013 Bucket List

Alright. I went on a 15 minute rant the other day about why I hate making resolutions. Mostly, it's because I never fulfill them, and by calling them stupid I make myself feel better. However, my old roommate Kellie put a bucket list challenge on her blog. I figured while I'm sitting here on hold with cancellation services for 24 fitness (It's at 11:24 minutes so far), I'd go ahead and give it a whirl. Yes, I may be the only person in America cancelling a gym membership right now. Let's not talk about it. Anyway, since it's not a list of resolutions, I don't feel morally obligated to not do it.

#1 Make Myself Real Food
Every once and a while, I'll feel particularly ambitious, and I'll make myself some sort of gourmet, healthy meal. By once and a while, I mean maybe a couple times a month. Otherwise, I live off a constant input of old Halloween candy, Sara Lee bread, string cheese, and soy powder. My current roommate is always making these impressive homemade soups and pasta sauce from vegetables in the front garden that she picked herself. As I'm sitting there, eating a double decker taco from Taco Bell, I'll usually say "that's nice". And then go back to my churro. No more! At least one half of my meals will be made by my hands, and will not involve a microwave! (I was going to say all, but then, let's be real)
This never happened

#2 No More Casts, Braces, Crutches etc. 
I have a little bit of a problem. And that problem involves ignoring something when it hurts, only to have it break when I step off a curb. Some things are seemingly inevitable (having a pallet of sod dropped on me, etc.) but some are preventable. I'm looking at you, stress fracture. It doesn't matter what has me upset. Nothing is worth angry-running until I have to wear a walking boot. And they aren't cute. (24:27 minutes on hold now)
 I failed here too, oh well.

#3 No More Beyonce Nights
Things happen. Life is sad. But if you've heard this story, you'll know what I mean. Never again. Next time I want to listen to "If I were a Boy", I'm throwing in a kickboxing video with Jillian Michaels instead.
Accomplished as of 12/31/2013

#4 See the Grand Canyon
2013 is the year. This is happening! I don't know when, or with whom, but it will. I do not care if I have to drive myself in the middle of the night.
Accomplished as of 3/15/2013

#5 Tube Down the Provo River
I can't believe I haven't done this yet.
Accomplished that one Saturday in August 2013

#6 Get into Grad School
If it's the last thing I do. Even if it has to be an obscure, unaccredited online university through the Bahamas, I will get into a school.
Accomplished as of 2/3/2013
and again 3/20/2013

#7 Cancel This Damn Gym Membership
We're at 37:58 minutes. I'm calling your bluff, 24 hour fitness. I will wait here forever if I have to.
Accomplished as of 1:39 pm PST.  Booya. 

Edit: On hold 58:39

Lessons I Have Learned From Twinkies

It's that time of year again. Waking up in a room surrounded by your old soccer trophies and stuffed animals, answering the probing "where's that ring?" questions from old family acquaintances at the local grocery store, and wearing sweatpants 80% of your day. It's the holidays and you're at home. All of this free time allows you to reflect on life. Between the bowls of cookie dough, pies, and Christmas candies, you can take a good look at yourself. And then watch TV. On one of the specials I saw, they were speaking about things lost in the year 2012. One of them was the Twinkie. Taking advantage of all this time I have, I have compiled what I have gleaned from the untimely loss of Hostess products. 

Take Advantage of What You Have

Recently, I heard a really sad song on my shuffle. It goes: "Only need the light when it's burning low, Only miss the sun when it starts to snow, Only know you've been high when you're feeling low, Only hate the road when you're missing home, Only know you love her when you let her go" Ugh, sad. It's true though. You only realize what you've lost once it's gone. I've only eaten maybe 3 Twinkies my entire life. However, with Hostess going out of business, I've craved Twinkies like a crazy-person. Especially those ones they've been showing in pictures with a chocolatey filling. I have no doubt it's absolutely disgusting. But, the unattainable is so desirable. If I'd only eaten and savored those Twinkies while they were still widely available. I remember having my serious nutritional doubts when that Twinkie was right at my finger tips, but it seems so much more appealing now that it's gone. 

Maybe we could have done more. Could I have stockpiled an arsenal of Ho Hos in my cellar? Could we have done more to make the workers feel more appreciated? Sometimes you can't anticipate entire companies going out of business or your favorite product being discontinued. Sometimes the warning signs are there, but you just don't want to see them. Sometimes you've shown as much support for that product as you can to keep it from being pulled off the shelves, only to lose it anyway. No matter, it always seems like a shock when it's gone. Does this mean that you should never allow yourself to enjoy another food again, in fear it will be discontinued? Of course not. Just let  it develop naturally. Don't just automatically rebound to Little Debbie. Let yourself find something new, approach it the same way you did before you lost Hostess. Have an open heart and open mind (and stomach), and then appreciate that food while it's there.  

How to Let Go

That being said, I have also learned the important lesson of letting go. No, I will probably never eat a Twinkie again. Will my life go on? Of course. Just because you've lost something important to you doesn't mean you need you hold onto your sadness. No, nothing I do will dull the loss in the moment. Every time I see an old picture of a Twinkie or hear it mentioned I feel a pang of sadness. At first. It's somewhat inevitable. Even old associations with Twinkies can bring back difficult memories. When you can though, you need to let those feelings go. If you come across the Twinkie someday, it is not meant for you. Wish whoever was lucky to have that Twinkie well and realize that you are probably better off without it. There's probably a reason you didn't have some saved up. It just was never going to be. 

Now you've been through this before when they discontinued Squeezits, Butterfinger BB's, and Crispy M&M's. It doesn't really make you sad at all anymore. Look back at the good times fondly, and move on. Appreciate the snaking moments you've shared and wish whatever new directions that company has taken the best.There will be new products available, or you'll notice a delicious one that's been there all along. One day you won't even think about Twinkies at all. 

P.S. Please, mom. This is not a metaphor. I'm talking about Twinkies for heaven's sake. 

Contacts, I Hate You! Part 4 (Or Why I'm Still Bitter I'm The Only One In My Family With Bad Vision)

Like nearly everyone and their dog, last night I went to go see the Christmas lights at temple square. They're seriously beautiful. No matter if you are LDS, Jewish, Baptist, or belong to some denomination that believes in the Jedi Force, you should see them. They're breathtaking. Also, you should stop by City Creek too, they've got an unexpected and awesome fire/water fountain thing synchronized to Carol of the Bells. Now, in order to see these things, and not have to wear my glasses around all night, I figured this was a perfect opportunity to bust out the contacts.

I got everything set up. I mentally prepped myself. Positive self-talk, snacks, inspirational music, the works. Things went relatively smoothly. It only took about 45 attempts and 20 minutes. Then, I started putting on eyeliner. Probably as a result of aiming my index finger directly towards my eye over and over again, I somehow ended up poking myself in the eye with the stick. Leaving a big black mark in the middle of the contact. Meaning, I got to start the dance all over again.

45 minutes later, contacts in, and makeup on, I ran to the window to see the sun setting. Who knew there were so many clouds in the sky? So many leaves still in the trees? So many blades of grass? It's just sad.

I'll be honest, nearly every guy I've dated since getting contacts thinks it's hilarious that I struggle so much with putting them on. A recent fellow even made a snarky joke, with somewhat of a mean undercurrent about my other life abilities. What a riot (p.s. we didn't last long). Also, I think nearly every roommate I've ever had wears contacts and can manage them fine. In fact, I'm pretty sure they could simultaneously put in contacts, scrapbook, knit, and cook an intricate meal with ease.

I get that about 98% of the human population is evolutionarily superior to me because either A. They have perfect vision (like that guy at institute who could see details on a quarter across the chapel. Anyone in the Sandy Institute knows what I'm talking about. WTH?) or B. They can put in a dang contact. I swear, I can do hard things. Once I wrote a 25 page research paper on handwashing! Hand. Washing. I can get the malditos contacts on my eye, and take them out, but the process takes the better part of my evening. And often involves tears. And anger. And sadness. And then triumph, when I finally hear that squeegee sound of the lens stuck to my eye.

I think there should be a support group for people like me. It gets better. I hope.

For more on my journey:
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3

Curse you, Bryant Milesi!

Why I'm Glad My Life Isn't A Hallmark Christmas Movie

The end of November is soon upon us. Which means that days will get shorter, nights will get colder, and we can all get cozy and gather around the TV for Hallmark Christmas movies. Now, for the second year running, my roommate and I have hunkered down for our favorite tradition. This means that all other TV watching is temporarily suspended as we become engrossed in cheesy romantic story after cheesy romantic story. At first, I was worried this would have some negative psychological effect; I remember one of my family processes professors warning about the dangers of idealization that can come from unrealistic expectations. After my 3rd movie last night though, I realized that these movies offer no threat of this. In fact, they make me grateful for the life I do have.

Now, this is not some thinly veiled braggey "seriously, so blessed" posts. My life is great, mostly because of the people in it. I've had some accomplishments, but no more than most others. Even if nothing works out, and I end up spending the majority of my life in a snuggie jumpsuit, I'd still kind of love it. I'm not unambitious or lazy, it's just that honestly when something doesn't work out, I'm ok. Get laid off my job? Break up with someone? Contract the flu? It's really alright. Just gives me one more day to do something fun like hike a mountain, or sit around in my pajama jeans and snuggie and look at pictures of cats. Then, pick up with my life and keep moving, usually with a smile, or at least a hearty chuckle.

Snuggie Jumpsuit

People in these Hallmark movies though, are miserable. They hate their lives, jobs, and can't relate to friends, family, or significant others. It takes the arrival of Santa, Mrs. Claus, elves, ghosts of christmas past/present/future, or an attractive and emotionally available member of the opposite gender to right themselves. Now, I am all for watching people fall in love; I'm a girl, I like love and happiness. It's just that I wish people in these portrayals could be happy enough without it or the huge righting miracle in their lives. They shouldn't have to dramatically change everything about themselves to suddenly bring about joy. They could just make the small personal decision to be just a little kinder and optimistic. In real life, if we had to wait around for a huge catalyst or Christmas miracle to turn us around, would it really have a lasting impact?

Pajama jeans. Yes, I actually do own both these items. And I'm proud of it. 

With that said, I will continue to watch them, because yes, I'm a sap. I secretly love cheesiness. But, only for the end of the movies. I honestly want to just grab the characters when they're being their morose, dour selves at the beginning and be like "look at your beautiful house and wardrobe. be happy now!". 

For now, I'll probably just go throw on my forever lazy and see which sad person gets their life saved by Christmas next. 

Goodbye Dan

Friends, it is my birthday tomorrow. I don't particularly love acknowledging that I am now a full year closer to death, but there you have it. Right now, in one of the closest races in the country, they still have not determined a winner. Ami Bera holds a slight lead, with just under 2,000 votes ahead. Every bone in my body hopes that Dan Lungren loses."Wow, Beth, that's mega-harsh!", you may be thinking right now, but let me take you on a journey to explain.

The year is 2004. I am in high school and still 16 years old. My dad was running for congress in the California 3rd district. If you are one of the 99% of Americans whose parent has never run for congress, let me tell you, you are so lucky. It is one of the most stressful things you can go through. All I wanted to do was be an average high schooler. Playing sports, awkward flirting, attempting to stay awake during class, and essentially trying to attract as little attention to myself as possible. I didn't want to think of my Dad running a campaign and potentially moving to D.C. It happened though. My brother and I would go out for hours of canvASSing as we called it. This involved visiting 80% of the houses on our list, then getting a muffin from starbucks and sitting in the car making up data for the rest. This may sound bad, but I was 16. I didn't want to be going around to creepy peoples' houses. I wanted to be at home, sleeping. Then, my big brother left for school in Utah and left me to deal with it on my own. This was the same year Kerry lost and the republicans "took back the house". It was a dark time for a Mormon democratic candidate with a hispanic last name, running in one of the most conservative districts in the state. My dad tried though. Very hard. He had to deal with all sorts of ridiculous party politics that make me hate the democratic party. He was moderate, fiscally conservative, and had an A rating from the NRA. It was not meant to be though.

Official Castillo for Congress Photo

It all came to a culmination when my poli sci teacher invited Lungren to come and speak to our class a week before the election. During class, the only question I could think to ask him was why he supported the use of lobbyists in congress, who were bound to corrupt and sway congressional votes and he answered "That's just the way it's got to be. They've got the money, why shouldn't they use it?". Need I mention he was a millionaire?

You may not be able to completely make out his lower lip spittle

Ok, my dad obviously lost. I had to face some smug teachers and classmates the whole next day. In between class periods I'd stop by and cry in the bathroom. You can't help but take it personally. It is hard on you and on your whole family. I couldn't help but have a surge of dislike for Dan that has never really gone away, especially with his tea-party craziness of 2009-2011. Finally though, I hope I can put it behind me. I am still grateful to my high school friends Karine and Kibby, who went out canvassing with me for hours, putting up signs and being so supportive during such a hard time. Now, free at last, free at last, thank goodness, we are almost free at last! Hopefully soon we can all say, goodbye Dan.

Edit: I am sorry that I sounded so gloaty. Now that Ami has officially won, I feel a little bad. My dad reminded me, as we picked up my brother from the airport, that while very self-assured, Mr. Lungren was a very classy guy. Apparently, Ami Bera's camp sent out a tacky self-congratulatory email with a clip of Lungren classily continuing to orient new congressmen (his job) even though he had lost. Losing a race is very hard to take, and I sincerely wish you the best, Mr. Lungren. I'm sorry I was bitter and said mean things about your spittle. 

Why I Love Becca

This is a whole post about my love for one fantastic human being, Rebecca Ann Stenquist. Now, dear friends if you don't know her, you should. She's going to Bulgaria to serve a mission. I am sorry Becca, you may find this to be weird and creepy, but I don't care. I actually typed this out 3 weeks ago, but waited until the eve of her farewell talk to post it.

The first time I ever heard of this mysterious wonderful person, I was going in to sign my contract to live in Heather Cove. It was sometime in November, and I was taking the contract of another friend who was leaving on her mission. At the same time I was there, Becca's brother Ben was in the office signing Becca's contract for the upcoming semester. Obviously, this was fate. Then, again, as I was moving my things into my apt that December, I caught a peek of her and her brother in the neighboring doorway.

That winter, magic happened. Now, we had just under 2 years of marvelous experiences, which may lead you to think that our friendship was built out of those good times. And partially, it was. Let's be honest, a ton of the fun things we did were powered by Becca's organization and enthusiasm. However, what I love most about Becca (aside from her incredible cooking skills, craft skills, boundless positivity, hilarity, and wit) is how she will always be there for you. Be it a broken foot, broken heart, or broken GPA  she will get you through it. Just recently she flew down the freeway to Sandy on a moment's notice to scoop me off the floor and bring me back to life with some Chinese food, Marie Callenders pie, and snuggling. I really will miss you Becca. So much. I can't even imagine what it will be like. But, I guess it's our opportunity to be selfless and share you with the Bulgarians for a while. You are going to be such a good missionary, and you'll be getting a ton of letters... whether you like it or not...

future cabin?

Signs You're Underemployed (Or Why You Shouldn't Major in a Social Science)

Throughout my young adulthood, I have worked in almost every sector a 18 to 24 year-old with limited upper body strength can work. Currently, I am temporarily employed by unnamed campaign working for an unnamed local candidate. Generally, my work duties involve going to people's doors, asking them which candidate they support, then politely encouraging them to further investigate their preference if it's the other candidate. Sounds somewhat dignified, right? It isn't. Sadly, I have graduated from a respected university with a bachelor of science degree, and I find myself still woefully underemployed. These were the dead giveaways:

The only employment requirement is the ability to walk and ownership of a cell phone.  
After breaking my foot, I almost didn't even meet this requirement.

People face you with the same disdain usually reserved for a SWAT team invading their home or a bank employee informing them their house has been foreclosed.
Except for that one nice lady who invited me in and gave me a water bottle, I have been met mostly with unmasked hostility and some very colorful language.

You have to seriously calculate whether you are spending more commuting to work than you're being paid. 
But, really.

You Wonder if You Should "Forget" to List This Job on a Future Resume
Well, I guess in this case it depends on if this candidate wins or not... this is coming from the girl who still lists "dish washer" as employment.

There is no Dressing or Grooming Standard
One of my "Coworkers" came stumbling in the other day in an oversized jersey, sweatpants, and the overwhelming smell of alcohol and possibly an inexpensive brand of marijuana. I was wearing a sweater and wondering if my tennis shoes were too informal.

Now, I really am happy to have a job, no matter how sad it is. It's money, I'll take it. After scanning craigslist endlessly and wondering what exactly those creepy "sugar daddy" job posts are about, it's nice to get a response back and work a legitimate job. Hopefully my grad school saga will soon be over, and I'll find myself eventually qualified for and working a career. Until then, I can't wait to see what my next job is...

Wake Me Up When September Ends

Regardless of the fantastic weather outside, it is in fact the beginning of October. This makes everything inside of me want to run out in a sweater and make some caramel apples. Instead I was just out on my back deck reading a book and tanning. I have been thinking about the last month and all the knowledge I have gleaned. Let me share.

Nugget of Wisdom #1
Don't underestimate the power of an adorable animal.
Not only can looking at pictures of cute creatures increase your mental acuity, it can get you through anything. And I mean, anything. I have been lucky enough to have friends who share in my love for all things lovable, furry, and tiny. This has been a virtual panacea for all of my life's ills. So thank you. 

Nugget of Wisdom #2
Please don't bear your testimony of Mitt Romney, it won't make you look good.
I'm directing this towards you, elderly gentleman in the West Yellowstone ward. We were all impressed by your ability to represent Idaho at the RNC. However, during church I like to hear witnesses of the gospel, spirit, etc. When you become emotional talking about "clasping his hand as he passed through the multitude", it is difficult not to groan. You're making us look bad. 

Nugget of Wisdom #3
When you hear screams of terror and shouting from next door, it's probably no big deal. 
One Sunday, Kelsi and I were peacefully sitting on the deck when we were suddenly hit with a cacophony of sound from next door. The air was full of frenzied, frantic screaming coming from an adult male and two children. These sounds of horror reverberated through the backyard for at least a minute. Assuming someone was being murdered, mauled, dismembered, or some combination of the three, we ran to look over. Unfortunately, our view of this deliciously chaotic scene was obscured by our neighbor's giant tree. Eventually, the father screams to the children "Go! Go! Run! Get out of here!!" at which point I call over "Do we need to call 911?". No response. Just movement to the front. Kelsi and I run around to the front of the house and watch as a dramatic domestic scene unfolds. The mother is in the driveway ripping off the children's shirts screaming "How did this happen?!" while the father swats at his head and yells back "I didn't know they were there!". At this point everyone runs into the garage. Wondering if they were attacked by wasps, anthrax, or a flesh eating bacteria, Kelsi and I speculated throughout the day. Monday, the kids were out front playing like nothing happened. We may never know. 

Nugget of Wisdom #4
Rebecca Stenquist is awesome. 
More to come on this later. 

Nugget of Wisdom #5
Life changes fast.
Driving back from Sacramento to Sandy, I very nearly could have been involved in a very scary accident. One minute I was being passed by a car from Utah and let my mind drift off into wondering if they were BYU or U of U fans, and the next minute, they were swerving all over the road, completely losing control at 85 mph. Now, fortunately they didn't roll over, as it looked like they were about to, and I had been paying attention, so was able to slow. But, both they and I could have been involved in a very very bad accident. A girl from my freshman ward who I didn't know too well recently had her husband pass away in a scuba diving accident. She is only a few months older than me. Things will always change, but sometimes that change can be sudden, and jarring. When that happens, there is no predicting it. There is not much you can do to prepare for that exact contingency. No matter what happens to us though, we can always control how we react. Do we become bitter that things have worked out the way they have, wallowing in the unfairness of it all? We could. But that benefits no one. I have learned (once again) that I need to take advantage of what I have today. Yeah, things happen, people change, life is unexpected. But, there is much I have now, that I won't always.

Latina Rage

Friends as you know, I am very white. Buried deep within me, however, is the spirit of my grandmother, born Dolores Sanchez. Now, my Grandma loved me and my family members very much, but was one to have a bad temper from time to time. I have some very vivid childhood memories of seeing Grandma Castillo display the scariest bursts of anger my young eyes had ever witnessed. Grandma Castillo was also fiercely loyal to her family and would defend you to the end. She also always had fabulously manicured nails. She passed away several years ago, but left me with one fantastic gift. Latina Rage.

Overall, I have been known to be somewhat of a pushover for many years. I can be very passive and struggle to say no. I especially have a difficult time ever telling people when I am angry or frustrated with them. There are many reasons for this, but I mostly blame my mom's sweet, Northern European deference. Occasionally, however, I am pushed beyond my ability to let something slide, and I find my easy-going, doormattey self start to give way. My inner Sanchez is released. The first time this happened, I had no idea how to control it, like the hulk, I was transformed into a screaming, arm-flailing, crazy-person for a full 45 seconds. Immediately afterwards I felt horrible guilt and burst into tears. Not the best problem solving I've ever done. That was several years ago, during my tumultuous teenage years. I have slowly gotten better. The last full-on Sanchez incident occurred during the early summer of 2009. If it involved you, you remember it (sorry about that...).

Now, I find myself slowly fighting off that rage to a point where I deal with things like the mature, logical adult I should be. From time to time, I need a brief outlet for this anger. Be it a sport or dart board or a song from Evita. Certain people or situations sometimes make controlling this inner monster more difficult. The last thing you want to do is call someone out who is on the verge of Latina Rage. Do you really want them to start screaming at you in the crowded room of people? I didn't think so. Above all though, I have learned to channel this inner Latina Rage into something constructive. Instead of just shouting, and arm-flailing, it helps me not be such a horrible pushover. It is in fact inner-strength and confidence. It overrules my otherwise shy abnegation to make sure that I am treated decently, or almost decently.

Yes, sometimes I let people get away with treating me badly. Especially when it is a murky situation. But, know that you are playing with fire if you think you can get away with it for long. It's only after so much that my inner Sanchez is awakened. So, don't come near me with your feet, spiders, contacts, or pickles of any kind, and treat me with the same respect you would your fellow human beings, and you won't have to meet my Grandma Castillo.

P.S. Just to make sure you don't think I am some scary, angry person all the time, here are some kittens on a slide:

Beware the Ides of November (Or, really just November 6th)

I do most of my deepest thinking as I'm punch dancing in my backyard. As I was expertly jamming to Barefoot Blue Jean Night in my tankini (it's 104 degrees), I thought about this coming fall.

I usually don't like to talk about politics, mostly because I rarely agree with anyone around me. Do I support gay marriage? No. My church leaders have come out specifically in opposition to that. This puts me against nearly all the more liberal of my acquaintanceship. My faith is paramount in my life. Do I feel that society needs to ensure the basic welfare of all? Yes. I think many people agree with this tenet, but disagree with how it should be carried out. I love my country and I want it, and all who live within its boundaries to be as successful and happy as possible.

I personally feel that it needs to be specifically mandated that all are cared for, and the responsibility of the government to ensure that this is carried out. This puts me at odds with the majority of my more conservative friends who feel that this is the responsibility of individuals and groups within our society, but that depending on the government for these services is inefficient and unnecessary. For those of you reading, I understand. Believe me. I try to be as informed as possible and see every issue from as many vantage points as I can. I have seen both through social data and through personal anecdotal experiences that there exists major disparity throughout our society. I was personally born with many socioeconomic privileges and I am aware that many have to overcome so much just to be on the same playing field that I was given. This is why I feel I should sacrifice some of my income in support of those born with much less than me. I believe that, while imperfect and often not entirely efficient, social programs are a step in the right direction for allowing equal opportunity for success. This is my personal feeling. I know again that many disagree.

I support immigration policies allowing for amnesty. I have seen and have spoken with many who depend on undocumented workers for the economic sustainability of their businesses. It makes fiscal and moral sense to me to allow these undocumented workers a documented and legal place within our society. I will vote for candidates who champion causes closest to my personal beliefs.

This brings us all to this next November. While I value and admire the courage and character of most of the candidates, I will choose who I vote for based on my personal beliefs. I will not actively campaign or shove in anyone else's face my choices. I am very wary of those who belittle, mock, or bully someone who sees political issues differently. I have experienced this myself, and it is very unpleasant. I have very carefully and thoughtfully formed my opinions with the best information I have. I do not take the idea of forming opinions lightly. I hope by this paragraph I haven't lost any friends (because I have before), I don't think my political viewpoints are a secret. I also hope I don't return to Provo tomorrow to a mob of pitchforks outside my apartment. I only ask that we be respectful and understanding of others' beliefs and recognize that sometimes we just won't see things the same way. This goes for me too. If I do/say anything obnoxious, feel free to call me a dirty hypocrite. I also hope that this hasn't sounded like a long, annoying, pontifical rant. I promise this is the last time I will specifically mention politics in this blog! Whew! 

If anything, I just wish Mike Gravel would run again.

Contacts, I Hate You... Part 3

Friends, let me take you back to Thursday, June 21st 2012. Now, June 21st's have always been notorious for being bad in my life history. Really, I can't think of much good that has ever come from a June 21st. Let me explain how Bryant Milesi from my kindergarten class is responsible for me waking up on a strange couch at 2 am.

Thursday morning, I woke up at about 10:13am feeling good about life. I was fairly optimistic for how my Thursday would go. I became way too ambitious and thought "Self, I have a great idea! I'll wear my contacts today, I'll actually be able to see the children I teach!". Unfortunately, with seasonal allergies, about 20 local wildfires, and a climate drier than the Sahara, it wasn't too successful. I got a contact in my right eye after 15 minutes and felt pretty confident. How wrong I was. I next tried my left eye and found myself with my contact "missing". Remembering the incident of October 17th, I knew I needed to hunt around my eye. Indeed, there he was, lurking under my left eyelid all cozy and rolled up. After extracting the contact, I tried again. And again. And again. Suddenly, it was 11:30, I had to leave, and I only had one contact in.

So, I try taking out my right contact. I miss. I try again. I miss again. Finally, my eyes are contact-free. My vision is more than typically blurry and more bloodshot than a hippie on 4/20, but I am free.

I continue throughout my day and find my vision is worse than typical. Why did I fail so badly at flag-football practice? Obviously it was my eyesight. This also goes for why I almost rode my bicycle into a telephone pole and how I ended up almost killing myself after institute. After a very long, detailed, informative institute lesson, I was happily sitting around socializing and eating a cookie. Now, this cookie was an allergist's nightmare. It had chocolate, white chocolate, oatmeal, almonds, walnuts, and coconut lurking in small slivers. Blindly oblivious to this noxious drupe in my seemingly innocuous cookie, I ate on. I got through about 2/3 of the cookie before a friend, watching me eat, spotted those slivers of coconut. I hurredly disposed of as much of the coconut as I could and sped off on my bicycle back to my apartment. And this is where my memory gets fuzzy. I took some benedryl to ensure my face didn't blow up. I think I ended up at someone's intramural game? And riding around in someone's car? And watching I.Q.? All I know for certain is that I found myself eventually alone and very confused on Heather Cove 12's couch at 2 in the morning with a couple unexplained text messages sent from my phone.

There I am, back when I had 20/20 vision. Bryant Milesi is all the way on the left. 

The moral of the story, beware the 21st of June. And any kindergartner named Bryant.

Pros and Cons of Working with Children

My new job involves working with the (mostly) delightful children of Utah County. Having survived my first week, I have already compiled some of the best and the worst factors of spending an extended amount of time with the younger population.

Pro: Instant Self-Esteem booster

If you want to feel better about yourself, work with kids. Not only do they treat you like a rockstar, some will actually cry when you leave. You can't buy that kind of flattery. You will be told many times how awesome/beautiful your clothes, hair, face, earrings, shoes, and eyes are.

Con: Prepare to always hear complaining about something

The classroom is too cold/hot, you spent to little/much time on snack break, someone else in the class didn't look at them nicely... it literally goes on and on. You develop very quickly a constantly empathetic expression and become adept at appeasement. I suddenly have a lot more sympathy for Neville Chamberlain.

Pro: It's cool to be dorky

You can let your inner freak flag fly, because, the more silly and ridiculous you act, the more they love it. On the same side, you can be a know-it-all without being completely obnoxious. You get asked a question about why lasers are called lasers and you can launch into a 15 minute explanation about 'Light Amplification by Stimulated Emission of Radiation' and have 20 faces in complete awe stare back at you. (note: They might not actually be impressed as much as they are just completely lost... as you are next asked what 'acronym' means. This doesn't matter, take it as flattery and leave it at that)

Con: You have to have about 50 pairs of eyes

I think I'm beginning to understand the biological advantage to having multiple eyes. Generally these are granted to creatures with very large numbers of offspring. I believe that, in large groups, the young of any species are apt to go completely out of control. All it takes is for you to be helping one group of children with their project to turn around and find someone attempting to climb out a window, or up a flagpole, or over a fence, or on top of the piano, or into a stranger's van, or under the bleachers, or into the bushes, or into some other highly hazardous area.

Pro: It's FUN!

There's a reason people voluntarily choose this for employment. Kids are fun. Playing is fun. You get to release your inner child and just enjoy life again. Yes, it can be very stressful, and yes you have to solve many many ridiculous disputes and constantly save them from themselves, but it is really worth it. Nothing is cooler than seeing a kid learn something new or do something they'd only seen happen in movies. That excitement is contagious. It's refreshing to be reminded of life when the biggest worries are what's for dinner and what I'm going to build with my lego set.

(p.s. I don't know why there's like 3 different types of font going on... just go with it)