How to Keep Yourself Occupied

Sometime in my Junior year of college, in the midst of midterms and giant papers, I remember dreaming of an entire week with blissfully nothing to do. In fact, there was one Friday night where I felt a sense of overwhelming guilt after I took 10 minutes to sit down and eat a frozen yogurt, because it drew time away from my 25 page paper. Believe me, I know how horribly stressful it can be when there is so much to do, and no time to do it. Poor choices involving cross country skiis and the Oregon coast have led me to the position I am in today. Which is sitting on my couch at home with an icebag under my leg finishing up season 1 of Battlestar Gallactica.

Strangely, having arrived at my earlier imagined nirvana, I am not as happy as I once supposed I would be. In fact, frankly I am bored senseless. The one benefit to the hours spent alone in my house is that I have devised many ways to keep myself entertained (although, believe me I have come close to painting a giant fresco of myself in The Creation of Adam onto my ceiling... if you haven't seen Rocketman and have no idea what I'm talking about, stop reading this right now and go and watch it! I'm serious!). I list them here, in case you ever find yourself in a similar state. If you are currently scoffing, thinking "No way! I am way too busy! I'll never have a free minute again!" realize that was me 1 short year ago. You never know when life is going to make you into a couch potato.

1. Read News Stories

And I mean all of them. Not only do you know what Snooki's pregnancy cravings are, you now have thorough insight into the implications of Keselowski's 232 lap lead at the food city 500, you know all about how Dun and Bradstreet have suspended production in China due to allegations of violations of anti-bribery laws (scandal!), and you are an expert in the 7 ways you are sabotaging your relationships. Congratulations! In any conversation during the following week, you are officially an obnoxious know-it-all.

2. Learn Phrases in Languages You Will Never Use

There is a reason Al Gore invented the internet. Waar is die badkamer? Miluju roztomilé štěňátka. Täname loed seda. Ĉu vi volas esti mia amiko?

3. Watch Battlestar Galactica

You will lose all self respect, but become proficient at locating cylons posing as humans.

4. Scrapbook

There's a reason your Grandma loves it so much.

5. Re-read the Entire Harry Potter Series

I'm assuming you've already read them at least once, because if you haven't, you need to get your hiney over to Amazon right now and buy the ebook. The glorious thing about the Harry Potter books is that you start on the Sorcerer's Stone, and then you emerge 3407 pages later realizing that you haven't slept or bathed in over 96 hours.

Blast From the Past

Friends, and random readers, I find myself once again at home in Sacramento. Sometime in between punch dancing out my boredom in my backyard to "Sexy and I Know it" and having conversations with our cat, Stewie, I have had time to explore the dark dusty back corners of my room. Now, I haven't really lived at home for an extended period of time since the summer of 2007, so I was intrigued to find little gems from my previous life lurking around in here. These are my most interesting finds.

Box full of Goosebumps books

I'm pretty sure that at sometime around age 10 I stole these from my brother's room. He always got the best stuff. Because my parents love him more. As a child, I was very sneaky and industrious though, and at some point I acquired titles such as The Cuckoo Clock of Doom, The Horror at Camp JellyJam, The Blob that ate Everyone, and one of my personal favorites, Revenge of the Lawn Gnomes, which I will have to be sure to take back to Kelsi. I cherished and read these books many times, put them in a box under my bed, and then forgot about them for over a decade.

Marriage Time Capsule

Now, I can't remember if I was supposed to bury this in my backyard to be discovered in 200 years by my descendants, but currently it was in my closet hiding under my statuette of the Virgin Mary I acquired from my very catholic great-grandmother in 1995. The capsule is a round, metal paint tin-like container coated with a layer of dust and a plethora of heart and "just married" stickers. I believe I crafted this beauty of a container sometime around my beehive or early mia maid years. I carefully pried off the lid, accepting that this premature opening of the capsule may very well curse me to a lifetime of spinsterhood... it's a risk I'm willing to take. There are many papers stuffed in here all written in my 13ish year-old handwriting. There's a "future family" paper in which I planned out the number, gender, and names of my future offspring. Next, I found a somewhat sarcastic letter to my future husband in which I inform him how lucky he is and assure that he must be "roguishly handsome and have a cool last name". There's a few other things such as my predicted wedding colors and date (I put 2025) and then a ton of confetti in the shape of hearts and kisses and that spell out phrases like "I love you".

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Costume

This is probably from Halloween when I was 4 years old. Mine was the Raphael costume on the right. Not only did this find confirm that my mom really did love me (and my brother obviously too, he had the matching Michelangelo outfit) but that she has quite the crafting skills. Those sweet turtle shells are homemade. I had a minor obsession with TMNT when I was a youth. Quite probably because my brother loved them first, and everything my brother did, I did. We're talking soccer, baseball (softball for me), water polo, spanish, BYU, and having a bizarre admiration for Bob Graham.

More than anything, the treasures I have unearthed have shown me three main things. First, growing up in the 90's was fantastic. Second, we don't change that much from childhood. And third, that I am really bored.

Everything I Know About Love I Learned From Romantic Movies

There are many valuable lessons to learn from movies about love. This Valentine's Day, I would to share just a few of the tidbits of wisdom I have gleaned over the years.


While You Were Sleeping

True love can be built on a complete lie, as long as you only let the lie continue to the point where you're only about to marry your true love's brother. Also, be careful the way you lean.

Return to Me

It's perfectly acceptable to stalk your husband from beyond the grave. Just be sure you mark "donor" on your license application.

My Best Friend's Wedding

While hilarity will inevitably ensue, maybe going to your ex-boyfriend-who-you're-still-in-love-with's wedding is not the best of ideas.

Pride and Prejudice

If you are truly dedicated enough, your love can survive economic and educational disparity, patronizing, family incompatibility, and flat out rejection and hatred.

Notting Hill

If you are charmingly awkward enough, you can land a hot Hollywood movie star by merely being yourself.

Serendipity

The universe wants you and your beloved to be together. If you are destined to be together, stop even trying to make it happen. It just will. Years later. Plus, it doesn't hurt to go shopping for gloves.

Sleepless in Seattle

Traveling across the country and stalking someone you heard over the radio is a very effective wooing tactic.

How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days

Whatever you do, don't let your love fern die.

Happy Valentine's Day!

..And all that Jazz.

(photo courtesy holly mumford)

This post is dedicated to my good friend Matthew Manwaring, who I have now known for about two years. Recently in his blog, he created an entry where the first half attempted to be in my own words. Believe me, the second half of his post was pretty much the same crazy-talk as the rest of his blog. Maybe my frustration in trying to read what he writes centers on my inability to decipher the "deeper meaning". According to those who know Mr. Manwaring even better than me, there is indeed a way to understand what his supposed gibberish is trying to communicate. So, I invite all those reading to this point, especially those in acquaintance with the man we call pappy, to go ahead and read his blog a little first, then I will try and write a summary of my feelings this week in classic Matt Manwaring style. I can only return the favor, Matthew.

Paradise comes at a price. What one I'm not willing to pay. Is it really a paved parking lot? Let me tell you. All the ferrets are fleeing for golden states. But for something better? Turns out they're outlaws. Lock up your bonnie banks. Bet they didn't see it coming. You better ask Barbara. She may not give you much more than a cup of tea. What about stew and all that jazz. It's all meaty and full of vitamin B12. Until it gets you with its enticing blue hue. For What? Only empty stomachs and disappointment. Its time you try something stronger, soldier. Like porridge.

Remember, imitation is the most sincere form of flattery.

Seven Things the World Doesn't Need

The Requirement for Store Employees to Ask "Do You Need Help With Anything?"

I have been asked this so many times while shopping that my reply is already an automatic "No, thank you, I'm just browsing". Then, to convince them I truly am confident of my answer, I wander away looking intently at a pile of shirts in the distance. I feel I should be free to aimlessly rifle through merchandise in peace, without justification. If I needed help, I'd probably just ask. I know who you are, store employee. You're wearing a name tag, so I'm pretty sure I know who to go to if I need assistance. The fact I'm by myself may mean I actually enjoy or perhaps prefer this solitary browsing experience. I don't need store employee Brittany judging me for my taste in clothes. Now, I used to work for Mervyns, so I know that it isn't Brittany's fault. You're told to ask every customer to haplessly wander into your section if they need help with anything. I just wonder if anyone ever likes it when they do. I'm pretty sure most consumers can figure out where things are based on the big signs or determine what it is they came there to buy. You don't need to tell them.

People Who Get Paid to Install Windshield Wipers


Those who know me may be aware that I am not the most mechanically inclined person in the world. It took me several months to learn how to change a mower blade and I ruptured a ligament repairing a lawn edger once. I can count the number of times on one hand I've looked under the hood of my car, which I have now owned for 7 years. One thing I can do is change a windshield wiper. Seriously, it takes 2 minutes. If I can do it, literally anybody can. When I was in WalMart the other day, I saw a sign advertising to change windshield wiper blades for 7 dollars per blade. That's almost more than it takes to just buy them. Seriously, it's like paying someone to brush your teeth or tie your shoes. Which you could do if you're crazy, a Kardashian, or a 13th century monarch. Just install your own dang wiper blades.

Boggle


I hate this game. Not only does my ability to see and recognize words diminish exponentially with each grain of sand that falls in that little hourglass, but this game just gives me a massive headache. Now, I was not blessed with the world's best spacial skills. In fact, ask me to draw a 3D picture, and you will see exactly what I'm talking about. But I'm really not terrible with words. I'm just saying, I did decently well on the verbal section of the GRE and I won a medal in high school for a vocabulary competition. But, I promise you that in this stupid game, I cannot see more than words like "cow" "book" "man". Obviously this is not because of any shortcoming on my part. The game must be inherently flawed. And thus, evil.

Pickles

They're gross. They just are.

Spiders

Just look at it, those spindly legs and weirdly segmented body just scream diabolicalness. Every single one of those 8 eyes are likely glaring malevolently. It's obvious they're out to get us. Name one thing that lurks as much as they do. Even the boy who stalked me once wasn't this creepy. Especially Daddy Long Legs. They're always sitting there in the corner of the ceiling... waiting... And just when you're beginning to drift into a peaceful sleep, they strike. Is that a hair you just felt brush across your face? No, it's one of the Daddy Long Legs' long legs. Good luck falling back asleep.

Newt Gingrich's Presidential Run

That is all that I will say on the matter

Ambiguous Facebook Relationship Statuses

And I mean this with all love towards anyone who finds their self in this tricky dating situation. It's just that I have never seen an "it's complicated" or "open relationship" turn into something more than "single" after a couple weeks. Can't facebook just do us all a favor and not temptingly put this status as an option? It's like watching Hotel Rwanda. You know what's coming.

When it Rains, it Pours and it isn't gumdrops

Well, I have to admit, this has not been my favorite month ever. Believe me, I haven't been wronged in any way. Except maybe by the state of Nevada. I am personally averse to putting too much of my personal life on the internet for everyone to see. I'm not going to post this link anywhere, so hopefully not too many of you are going to stumble upon it. I'm mostly just writing this for myself.

I'm just going to come right out and say it. Things are tough. I get by though, cause they are never exactly too bad. I'm honestly just a little scared. Again.

I'm scared for my mom, that news this week was very... well, scary. She'll be ok for now, but it is just a reminder of how you should never take the people in your life for granted. She lost her mother at age 55, and it was a cold splash of water to remind me.

It has been tempting to enact my 25 year plan early and just preemptively move into a cabin in the middle of the woods and live in harmony with the local woodland creatures and my 50 cats. For now though, I've just kept my game face on. It takes every fiber of my inner being to not give up, but I'm not, at least yet. I love those around me. I love everyone who has stepped up, mostly unconsciously, at a time when I need them badly. Scrolling back to last year, anyone (even complete strangers, I'm realizing uncomfortably) can know that I've been through some rough times. I sure hope I didn't do anything to bring it on myself.

I know I'm not as cheery as others. I do my best. I don't feel like being fake, so forgive my occasional ambivalence. I know things will become better again. I got over the knowledge I would have a permanent disability, all because of a pallet of sod. I'll get over this too. Even if it takes me beating a bunch of 8 year-olds at laser tag. We'll get there. Pain dulls and I'll have moved on before I knew it. For now, if you happen to read this, and then see me, I really wouldn't mind a hug.

Beating the Winter Blues

Here in Provo, winter is finally upon us. At least for this week. For some, especially those who love all things warm, bright, and sunny, this season is not the happiest. Life's challenges, such as getting a bad haircut, getting a B+ on a test, breaking a hip, having your car break down, getting a cold, being dumped, having your goldfish die, having a roommate suddenly develop an affinity for opera, or burning your toast can seem so much harder when it is cold and/or dreary outside. Never fear! There are ways to feel happy again.

(note: I, myself, never experience negative emotions. I have a super-human ability to stay positive no matter what. I have never personally been sad, I have only heard descriptions of it)

Stare longingly into a picture of Hawaii, or some other tropical paradise. The longer you gaze into the warm and wonderful landscape, the more you'll forget you're actually living in the Rockies (or some other cold, sad place you may currently be). For a full effect, take a hair dryer set on low, and direct it towards your face. Is that a tropical breeze you're feeling?

Bake. I have never seen anyone bake brownies with a frown. If you're only a little sad, bake something little for yourself. If you need to take it up a notch, I recommend baking for other people. Not only do you have the warm fuzzies from knowing you did something to brighten up someone else's day, but you get to go out socializing. Which for most of us, makes up happy. If you're feeling more anti-social or thrill-seeking, try the classic door bell ditch anonymous baked goods drop. Trust me.

Watch this. I dare you to stay sad.




Type "cute animals" into youtube. When you finally come to, several hours and dozens of videos later, you won't even remember why you were distressed in the first place. You will only have images of adorable baby animals swimming around your consciousness for days, not allowing room for anything even slightly depressing. (warning: unless you accidentally stumble upon that awful sarah mclachlan animal abuse commercial. that may bring you right back.)

Watch a few Mormon Messages. Ok, I'm being serious. Even though I assume the majority of my readers are LDS, if you aren't or even if you are not even particularly religious, these amazing videos can have an impact on everyone. They not only reinforce specific, wonderful truths, but they offer very good perspectives. Especially videos like the one featuring Stephanie Nielson (if you haven't seen it, watch it!). No matter if our problems are life-altering or only cause temporary downness, we can always maintain a good attitude. It really is ok to feel occasionally sad, as long as we do not become so absorbed in our own wallowing that we forget those around us. Of course none of us are perfect, but these messages can help give something to strive to be.

5 Reasons to Look Forward to 2012

1. The cinematic masterpiece Thor was left wide open for a sequel. And until that glorious day arrives, we at least have the Avengers coming up this year. If fate really works our way, we'll get 2 more hours of the Green Lantern.

2. The construction project on the 15 will be done!! Meaning we'll be able to drive construction-free for at least 36 hours, until it starts again.

3. Celebrity Wife Swap with Gary Busey premiers this Tuesday, making all of us feel better about our own lives.

4. Someone will be elected president this year. Meaning we won't have to endure a long set of meaningless/hilarious primary debates for at least 3 more years. Plus there's still time for The Donald to jump into the race as an independent. We can only pray.

5. Worst case scenario: the world ends. We can only go up from there!

5 Greatest Christmas Presents

As you likely know, Christmas time is upon us. So, as I've been sitting here at home, I've reflected on what I naturally remember most from various past Christmases- what I've gotten. This is a countdown of the top 5 most amazing Christmas gifts I've ever received.

5. Nerf Gun Crossbow

I don't know if you have ever had the opportunity to hold such a thing of beauty in your hands, but one year I was lucky enough to unwrap the most magnificent Nerf weapon ever created. Perhaps my brother's Nerf blaster with the rotating bullet shooting thing was quicker, but mine was more powerful. One hit from the crossbow, and you had a welt the size of a quarter.



4. American Girl Doll with set

If you were a girl and you were alive in the mid nineties, you know what an american girl doll was. This was back in the day, before the internet, so everything was ordered out of a catalog you received in the mail. These dolls were based on books (or were the books based on the dolls? I have no idea). Each one of the books followed a sort of formula. There was the introductory book, the birthday story, the school story, etc etc. Each girl character was taken out of a specific time in history such as the American Revolution, World War II, etc. One year, I received my coveted doll... the Abby doll. Now, I did already have a Samantha doll. She had brown hair, brown eyes so my parents figured that was the best fit. But for those of you who had read the stories, you know that Samantha was one of the most boring. She was an orphaned girl living with her super rich grandma at the turn of the 20th century. Yawn. Abby, now she was interesting. Her first book is about her escaping from slavery for heaven's sake. Not only did I receive my awesome Abby doll, but I also got the doll bed, the doll quilts, and a doll desk. I'm pretty sure I was the coolest girl in 3rd grade.



3. Mike’s Creepy Crawler Maker

Ok, so maybe this isn't something I personally received, but I definitely got to use it. See, this was back in the day when my brother was nice and shared things. He got this sweet Creepy Crawler bug maker, and I got an EZ bake oven. Now don't get me wrong, the EZ bake was amazing, but it didn't make brightly glowing worms or centipedes. I remember sitting on his bed as he pulled gross looking worm after worm out of that thing. Honestly, there was little more that year I could imagine I could want.



2. Machete/Ax

I didn't receive this gift until well into my teens. You see, every year my uncle send us intentionally bizarre gifts. One year it was the box full of aviator glasses (before they made their comeback) that we could all choose from. Another, it was modeling beeswax. One year though, we hit the gift jackpot. I'm assuming my uncle had been to some sort of outdoors adventure type store because not only did we all get fully functional headlamps, but also machetes and axes. Let me tell you, they've been put to good use.

1. Volunteering Outside for 4 1/2 hours

Ok, now I don't mean to get all cheesy or anything, but this truly is one of the best Christmas gifts I was given. Now, just so you understand, we don't get too sappy in my family. We aren't ones to reenact the nativity or sing carols or anything like that. Every year we watch Ernest Saves Christmas, Muppet Christmas Carol, and Christmas Vacation. I know many of you have deeply meaningful Christmas traditions, and I truly think that is great. It just didn't really work for us.

Now, one Christmas morning when I was younger, we left our warm house to go out and serve warm apple cider to people standing in line for hours for gifts at the local disadvantaged school. Now, I wasn't feeling very charitable at the time, in fact I'm pretty sure I complained bitterly. It may have been a frigid 45 degrees, it was foggy, and I didn't get a chance to play with any of my new things. But it has really stuck with me. The people happily walking out of the school didn't have arms full of amazing gifts. They had things like socks, toothbrushes, sweatpants. Maybe the occasional action figure, and that was it. It was really a smack in the face to my 9 year-old self. I had seriously so many things, and I had been so self-absorbed. My parents explained to me that most of the kids going to school there were homeless. Sometimes their parents were renting out motel rooms, sometimes they were in shelters.

I had done nothing to earn what I had, while kids my same age were given so much less, but were so happy and so grateful for the little they received. It's an important perspective to have. Again, this is maybe the best gift my parents, or anyone, ever gave me.

Anyway, to anyone reading this intentionally or by accident, I love you all! Have a Merry Christmas! (or Hanukkah or Kwanzaa or Chrismukkah or Yuletide or whatever)

Life Lessons From the Movie Twister

Friends and random Malaysians/Russians/Saudis, one of the greatest influences of my life has been the movie Twister, released in 1996. This magnificent piece of cinematic art did so much to mold me in my formative years. As I've grown and matured, I have carried these lessons with me. I believe that much of what I am to day is derived directly from this masterpiece.

1. No matter how dysfunctional a relationship is, spend some time in a truck together and everything will work out. This truth is reinforced not only by this movie, but by all sorts of road-trip bonding type movies where the characters start off hating each other, but by the end have grown to love and respect each other through mutually trying experiences/revelations. I dare you to try and brainstorm fewer than 5 movies where this has happened. They even used it on Vampire Diaries for heaven's sake! And a little bit in Twilight. Obviously, this must be a fact of life.

2. The 1996 Dodge Ram is the most amazing truck ever built. Not only can this thing directly withstand being in a tornado (on a bridge no less) for over 40 seconds doing little more than turning in a circle, it also has amazing self-healing abilities. One of our favorite hobbies as a family is to try and count the number of times the windshield gets cracked by flying tricycles or the like, then will magically fix itself in the next shot. The truck bed should have been crushed by the falling utility pole, but survives with merely a dent. This behemoth can drive through houses, corn fields, and exploding tankers. Not to mention giant trees in the road. The one Achilles heel, the thing that can bring down this magnum opus is if you have to drive into the shoulder of the road. In that case, you will get a flat tire.

3. Don't worry about your archenemy. In the end they will get impaled by a giant pole. If you skipped the mid-nineties and have yet to see this movie, don't read that last title. This one has been very useful throughout my life. Karma will get you, backstabbers. If not now, then when you're driving stupidly into an F-5 tornado.

4. Never mess with Mother Nature. You will be hunted down. And it will be by a scary tornado that makes the same noise my tummy does when I haven't eaten breakfast. It doesn't matter if you're watching The Shining at the local drive-in, or making weird giant metal wind chimes.

5. As long as you're with someone as manly as Bill Paxton, you will be capable of defying the basic laws of physics and meteorology. All this man's man needs to do is pick up some dirt and look significantly into the sky, and he automatically knows which way the tornado is headed. Unless, of course it is headed directly towards him, as it does when they're at the drive-in. He can ride in the truck bed amidst heavy debris and hail, stuff that kills lesser men, and survive without a scratch. Not to mention outrunning an F-5 tornado, yes the same one that ultimately shish kabobed his rival and took out The Ram. Later, he was able to strap himself and his lady-friend to a pole, then hold both of them down as the F-5 swirled around them. Now we know that not only are thousands of razor-sharp sensors flying around in there, but also his nemesis, his nemesis' truck, his Dodge Ram, dozens of John Deere tractors, pieces of auntie mae's house, and likely his ex-fiance and some cows. They did walk away a little muddy. I'd like to see Bear Grylls do that.

Seventh Reason the World is Ending: The Arden Traffic Signal

4. The new traffic signal at Arden Way and Mission Ave

If you have been in the Sacramento-Carmichael-Arden-Arcade area in the last 3 weeks, this atrocious installment is impossible to miss. For years, and I mean at least the 24 that my family has lived here, we have blissfully driven on Arden from Fair Oaks through Eastern without being disturbed by much more than the occasionally rabid Bel Air, Whole Foods, or Starbucks patron. Now, this superfluous light manages to throw off not only traffic patterns, but the very fiber of our community.

How could we let our beloved community deteriorate to the point that we're installing otiose and obnoxious traffic lights?

The sordid local legend involves the Gethsemane Lutheran church. Yes, the very same one looming over the now infamous traffic blemish on Arden Way. From the outside it appears to be your typical benign friendly neighborhood church, but from within the idea for this monstrosity was supposedly conceived. Not satiated by the addition of speed bumps on both Mission Ave and Thor Way, they began plotting. I don't know who exactly "they" are, but it is irrelevant, "they" are obviously evil and intent on destroying all happiness. Local residents were then coerced into signing a petition one by one... those who refused were rarely seen again. Soon, construction on Arden began. No one knew exactly what was being constructed on or why a lane was closed each way. There were construction workers, but they all seemed to be standing there, waiting for something. Months later, there was still no answer. At least until one ominous autumn morning when a traffic signal appeared. Turning lanes soon followed, along with a hideous sign for both Arden Way and Mission Ave.

As soon as my mother urgently phoned me with the news, I knew I had to hurry back. I actually arrived in Sacramento a week before thanksgiving, but I was still too late. The very day I drove back this new signal was activated. At an intersection where we have happily blasted by those waiting at a 2-way stop sign for at least a quarter of a century, we now have to stop for northbound and southbound traffic, and 2 left turn lights.This is the image of the old intersection, still preserved under google maps...

Friends, let this be a lesson. Don't let this happen to you or your community. Save yourselves and your towns before it is too late.

(This is part 4 of a multi-part exposé on signs that the world is ending)

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Pros and Cons of being home for Thanksgiving Part 1

I've been travelling back home for Thanksgiving every mid November for several years now. All together over these years, I have amassed over 30 days of quality Thanksgiving holiday time. Without even mentioning the holiday itself, there are both good and bad things to this wonderful season of food, family, and more food.

Pro

Being back at home with family

Con

Looking like a zombie following the horrendously boring 10-13 hour drive to get there

(The amount of time depends on if I'm driving. Because, I guarantee you that if I am, I will get pulled over for going between 2-5 miles over the speed limit)

Case in point: pulling into Sacramento in 2010. Looking good...

2. Pro

There is a high of 68 degrees today at home

Con

When I get back to Provo, it will feel like -68 degrees.

3.Pro

Because my parents have recently purchased an elliptical, I can stay in shape!

Con

Yeah, let's be honest, that's not going to happen.

4.Pro

I have all the free time in the world!

Con

I'm already bored.

5. Pro

There is so much delicious food

Con

There is so much delicious food

6. Pro

Spending time with the people I love

Con

None!

Contacts, Te Odio. Part Deux.

As some of you may be aware, I have had struggles recently when it comes to contacts, eyedrops, or really anything eye-related. Yes, even the mention of any of these things turns me into the world's biggest pansy (well, eyes and daddy-long leg spiders).

So, this brings us to Monday, October 17th. It began as a lovely, brisk autumn morning. Which I really didn't see much of, because I slept in until about 10. I determined that on that day I would proudly wear my contacts out, and actually be able to see my friends as I passed them on the street. After about 15 minutes devoted to each eye, the contacts were in.

It was wonderful, as I walked around with the glorious, beautiful fall foliage around me. But, alas, I forgot my eye drops. Not wanting to miss a second of this gorgeous day, I fought the urge to return home and retrieve the little green bottle. Eventually, as the day grew colder and I grew hungrier, I returned. I decided to just use the contact solution, because the likeliness of actually getting some in my eye was much higher. The right eye was fine, but then as I went into the left... something went wrong, terribly wrong. I rubbed my eye, as it was so horribly uncomfortable, and in the midst of all the contact solution and towel-eye rubbing, the contact went missing... or so I thought.

After spending a few hours of the night with just one contact in (as I learned, a terrible idea), I noticed my left eye was driving me nuts. The contact couldn't possibly be in there, could it?? After hearing that it actually could, I had several people try to look around in my eyelid for it. I started getting panicky- this was literally one of my worst nightmares (again, apart from being covered in daddy long legs). My roommates, who incidently all wear contacts, assured me that I would know if it was there, and all would be well. I slumbered peacefully for several hours, then a couple seconds after awaking felt that irritating sensation yet again.

I took a shower- the feeling was still there. I tried pouring in even more contact solution-still there. I looked up "contact stuck in eye" and tried everything the websites suggested. My poor eye was just even more irritated. Then, my wonderful, amazing roommate offers to give my eye another go. After 45 seconds of examining, there he was, lurking in the upper corner of my eyelid, that evil little contact. It took my roommate about 3 seconds to fish it out.

Moral of the story, don't ever rub your eyes with contacts in, and always make sure you have a calm, non-squeamish roommate around.

I know Bryant Milesi is laughing at me somewhere.

Get By

This the title of the magnificent song rapped and produced by Talib Kweli, which spoke volumes to my angst-ridden 14 year old self when it was released in 2002. This give me the courage to press on, while facing nearly insurmountable odds just tryin to survive the vicious and perilous streets in the suburb of Carmichael. Somehow, I made it. Nearly 10 years later, I find this classic still has my back. Yes, Mr. Kweli, you understand the types of daily obstacles we can face. The grocery store running out of 2% milk (I'm sorry, but I think skim tastes like water), my freshly straightened hair resembling medusa after stepping into some rain sprinkles, burning my toast. This is merely a snippet of the degree of incredible trials I face on a given day. I know that Talib is critical to my daily survival. No amount of support from friends, family, or incredible life blessings could possibly surmount his empathetic crooning on how we just try to "get by".

If this song hasn't entered into your life yet, you need it to. Watch this video here if you haven't. (don't look up the normal version unless you want to hear a bit of cussing and several drug references). It will change you.

Sixth Reason The World Is Ending

5. The Only Temperate Place in the World is Hawaii- and They Don't Have an OT School

Friends, I am in the process of filling out my applications for grad school. There are many factors going into my decision. Mainly, climate. Now, this only makes up about 96% of the selection for me. There is still an important 4% involving housing, tuition, quality of the program, etc. So far I have eliminated the majority of places above a certain latitude. The east coast is scary. If it isn't the earthquakes, the hurricanes, or blizzards, the homeless people will get you. The midwest is too full of cows and tornados. Texas is basically on fire. This leaves about four states as a potential for my future residence. I thought I had narrowed down my choices again, when I found unsettling climatic facts about each of the places I am considering attending.

San Jose State

This is where my parents went to school and met and fell in love and got married. They have a bit of a soft spot for the Silicon Valley. They also remember the glory days when SJSU was actually a viable athletic force. Unfortunately, I have personally always associated San Jose with scary crime. My mom told me this story of being stalked on her way home to her sorority and scared me to death as a kid. Plus it's always foggy there. Plus it's expensive to live there. Did I mention it's foggy?

Pacific University

I had heard great things about the program and I saw the facilities for myself and it's nice. The faculty seems friendly and Hillsboro is very pleasant (and not scary). I do know a few people in the Portland area, but it would not be anything like Provo. Every time I talk about going there my mom mentions that it is dreary and rainy the entire year. Now, this isn't true. It's only dreary and rainy the majority of the year. Now, I can handle that, I mean in Sacramento you go a few months a year when you forget what the sun looks like. But, what I had been used to growing up and had expected out of Oregon was that it wouldn't dip below freezing. I was wrong.

AT Still

I was talking to my dentist who is a sponsor of the dental program at AT Still (scroll down to "Family Dentistry") about maybe going there. Just before he drilled into a cavity, he pulled out his iphone and showed me the current weather in Mesa. 115 degrees. One Hundred and Fifteen.

University of Utah

It's amazing I have survived as many Utah winters as I have, I really shouldn't push it.

UNM

Now, this was looking like a good option. I had spent a weekend this summer in Albuquerque and it was nice. The temperature wasn't too hot. It wasn't muggy. I speak passable Spanish. Both sides of my family has history going back to New Mexico. I honestly hadn't heard about their program until a couple weeks ago, but it looked really good. Then I made the mistake of looking at the lows and average snowfall during the winter. I thought it was a desert.

Ok, I'll take a second to be serious. These are all fabulous schools, and it would be an honor to go to any of them. And let's face it, if I've survived as long as I have in Provo winters, I can make it through 3 more years somewhere else. Maybe.

Til I'm Gone

As I was home alone today again for over 13 hours, I had plenty of time for a dance party in my backyard. After punch-dancing out my boredom a good 45 minutes, I decided to plant. I worked on grounds over 3 years and so general gardening is something I now have a strange affinity for.

So, after planting some new flowers in my backyard, I was just sitting there, with the evening sun filtering through the oak leaves, and this little bird flew onto my shoulder. He didn't stay very long, but it was seriously the coolest thing. A little while ago, a friend told me this could happen if you stand really still, but I honestly thought he was full of it. I mean the little guy might have just chosen me because, with all the dirt and leaves I was covered in, I realistically looked and smelled like a plant. Regardless, I was so happy that happened, I came in and wrote this post about it.

Of course, this may very well be the highlight of one of the most uneventful weeks of my life. The most socializing I've done is with my parents, the guy that bags groceries at Raleys, Eleazar and his crew that mow our lawn every week, the mailman, and numerous old ladies in the Kaiser Permanente waiting room. I've learned more about rheumatoid arthritis, hypothyroidism, and diabetes than I'd ever want to know. I am still taking 10 credits of classes online, so I thought I'd be more busy being academic. Wrong. Apparently assignments only take a long time when you have things you'd rather be doing.

For now, the key to my happiness turns out to be a bit of Tinie Tempah and rudbeckia from OSH.

Contacts, Te Odio.

I'm not even going to talk about that game. At least any more than I just did.

Now, some of you may have gone through several years of your life easily, blissfully popping contacts in and out of your eyes. For some reason, I seem to be inherently incapable of putting them in. After some analysis, as I stood for an hour in my bathroom blinking my right contact out over and over, I have concluded there are 4 main reasons I am struggling so. Bryant Milesi, Catherine (my sister), and my optometrist.

First of all, I blame Bryant Milesi. Yes, Bryant, you are the source of my eye-related neurosis. Rewind to October 1992. 4 year old me was in kindergarten at Del Dayo elementary school. I clearly remember the day when Bryant chased me around the classroom flipping his eyelid inside out. It was gross, disturbing, and scarred me for life.

Catherine, second I blame you. Somehow you were able to pick up the most fabulous genes our family has to offer. You can shake out your blonde, straight hair right out of the shower, and it will look better than mine does after spending an hour using a straightener. While I am the only individual in my family with near-sighted vision, I am also the only one with deep set eyes and long thick lashes. Which may be nice when I forget mascara, but they are currently the bane of my existence. Every time I try and go in with a contact there is always eyelid or eyelash in the way.

Optometrist, I don't even know your name, but I blame you too. I would have been perfectly happy with just glasses, but you had to go and tell me that you have had several like 3 year-old patients getting contacts in with no problem. So, now, I can't just give up because I know there are a bunch of toddlers running around doing something I can't. The more stressed out I get thinking about it, the worse I do. So, gracias.

Finally, I blame me. Yeah, it's mostly just my fault.

If anyone has any encouraging contact-related words, advice, anecdotes, or experiences, feel free to call me, skype me, text me, facebook chat me, or track me down at my house. I'll still be here, in my bathroom, using way too many commas, and trying to get these stupid contacts in.

Fifth Reason (Counting Down from 10) The World is Ending

6. Edie Lambert is no longer the main anchor for 6:30 news.

Now, if you lived in the Castillo household, you'd know why this travesty was unendurable. Not only have I heard about this nearly every time I've called home, now that I'm temporarily back here, I hear about it every day. Sometimes multiple times a day. Now, I'm amazed we survived the retirement of Dave and Lois. They are as much a part of the Sacramento life experience for my parents as Emigh's hardware or Raley's and Bel Air.

But yes, instead of Edie's soothing co-anchoring, we have to put up with Kellie MacMullan (DeMarco). Not only does this Kellie not hail from anywhere in the state of California, she also... (gasp)... has a smoker voice (according to my parents). Now, after hearing several descriptions of this lady who apparently looked like the finger-eating-big-haired woman from Mars Attacks, I had to see for myself. Sadly I had to agree. She is not Edie. Ok, so she loves to go visit the children's hospital with her puppy and fight against breast cancer. Is her name Edie Lambert? No. Automatically this means she intends on destroying every fabric of Sacramento normalcy. Even though Gulstan is relatively new, for some reason defying any transcending explanation, it doesn't feel off. Who did he even replace? Has he been here forever?

P.S. I've funnily enough been getting a lot of hits off of google from people googling "Edie Lambert vs Kellie Macmullan (DeMarco)" or "Kellie Macmullan (DeMarco) Edie Lambert".

Is Kellie MacMullan (DeMarco) a Smoker?
Well, now this is a new one I keep receiving google search hits from. Let us analyze... I apologize again that I do not have comments enabled.

Smoker?
- That husky voice
- She's from Colorado
- Smoker "aura"

Non Smoker?
- Pretty
- She's aged well
- She's never smoked on camera
- She doesn't like cancer
- Married (as of 11/24/12 at least)
- According to this reliable Yahoo! Answers question, posing a widely sought after inquiry "Does Kellie DeMarco smoke?" bgee2001ca says no.

Perhaps the world will never know.

UPDATE 6/11/12: I emailed KCRA asking if Kellie MacMullan smoked and received the eloquent response from one Anzio M Williams reading "no".

Just so everyone out there knows, I mean no offense to Kellie MacMullan (DeMarco). I just prefer Edie. I mean, I've basically been watching channel three news from when I was in the womb. As a whole, us Sacramentoeans don't handle change well. I mean, either Raleys and Bel Air brought Frank McMinn back or they found someone with an eerily similar voice to prevent a riot.

UPDATE 11/24/12: I have been made aware during my stay at home for Thanksgiving that Kellie MacMullan is now Mrs. Kellie DeMarco. I have added in her new last name to accurately reflect this. Congratulations to her and her new husband. 

Also, Edie sometimes anchors the news along with Kellie or with Gulstan. I have no idea what my parents were so worried about, apart from my mom and dad's continued assertion of "I don't know, I just don't like her".

UPDATE 1/1/14 I am home again for the holidays and have learned a great deal from my parents about their evolving opinion towards Mrs. DeMarco. Also, I have been getting many many search hits from "Kellie DeMarco Pregnant?". Firstly, my parents have started to take a greater liking to her. Especially when compared to Chris Riva, who clearly struggles. Also, secondly, my mom keeps turning to me when she's on the news and whispers 'do you think she's pregnant?'. I agree this is an immensely personal thing, but I have to conclude that she likely is. And congrats to her if she is. Or isn't. You know, either way it's cool.

UPDATE 7/10/2014 Based on the various conversations with my parents on their favorite topics of the drought, the Kings, and KCRA, I hear that Kellie DeMarco and Edie Lambert had weird twin pregnancies, and new babies! My parents aren't quite sure how they feel about the female fill-in.

UPDATE 11/25/2015 I am home again for Thanksgiving. Apparently Kellie has completely weaved her way into the hearts of my family. While watching the news tonight (both the 5 and 6 o'clock editions), there was an expression of mild acceptance. And compliments about her sweater choices.

The Brave Little Toaster

Who hasn't heard the supposedly inspirational phrase "you miss 100% of the shots you don't take" at least one point in their life? I know I was told this many many times as a child while being prodded to do everything from ballet to rock climbing. I think back on all of the things I would have missed out on if my parents had just let me wuss out throughout my childhood. Yes, sometimes we will still miss 100% of the shots we do take, but at least we'll get a bit of an arm workout in the process. While you may walk away from your failed attempts with a bruised ego, you will have rock hard deltoids.

Now, I am not looking for any positive affirmation, because I truly do know my limitations. I'm a terrible bowler. I am not really that funny. I can't draw a straight line to save my life. I am super shy. I can only play the trumpet mediocrely. I've got naturally boring brown hair and brown eyes. I will almost always be in last place playing mario kart, after driving backwards about 3 minutes. One thing I can say for myself is that I will try. Even when I know that failure is not only plausible but nearly inevitable, I will do all that I can to at least attempt. I do not let fear stop me. It isn't that I am not easily scared... sometimes just thinking about things I have to do raises my heartrate about 500 bpm. It is that I am able to put this behind me and keep trucking.

The thought of flying into Portland by myself this last weekend was frankly terrifying. I had never been there before, and had to use public transportation to get everywhere that first day. Now, where I'm from, you can get shot just looking at a light rail. But I did it. I bought myself special 3 dollar de-stress water, I found my way, I carried my 3.4 ton backpack alone around the city for 6 hours and I showed up at the end of the day alive and with some new friends (that's you Bruce and Sugar)

I think back on even just the past few months. If I had let every fear of failure, embarrassment, or injury hold me back, I wouldn't have done anything. But I didn't. So what if you know you're going to lose the game, or if he doesn't like you back, or if you know you're just going to look like a dork? Bravery is knowing you're probably going to fail, but trying anyway in hopes that one freak shot towards the basket will go in.

First 4 of the Top 10 reasons I think the world is ending

10. The Taco Bell around the corner from my house closed

I don't think any further explanation is needed. This is the actual Taco Bell before its sudden, unexpected demise.

9. The GRE was revised, and now I have to take the harder version.

Why did they have to take something long and pointless and make it even longer and more pointlessier?

8. Can you say earthquake?

Because, what if the tectonic plates really just have it out for one person who really likes to travel to Haiti, Chili, Japan, and around the U.S.?

7. Our Oak tree in our backyard fell down.

I'm gonna miss ya, buddy.

Right before the tree cutting crew took it down in March.

Dreams Can Come True

So far, I have had an epic summer of unemployment, slip n slides, softball and ultimate frisbee game watching, bike rides, hikes, travelling, swimming, boating, concert attending, just dance playing, general adventuring, and dream fulfilling. I honestly think this may have been one of the most fun summers I have ever had. And I was able to do all of this even with my broken foot, injured thumb, and skiwampus left wrist. Amidst the last 733 days since the incident, I have dealt with a bizarre string of well recorded physical ailments. Does it make sense? No. Did I feel sorry for myself, alot? You betcha. But also, have I had the best darn 1.3 years of my life? Definitely.

Of course everything has not been candy canes and roses. I feel down every once and a while, like a normal person. Everyday drama and frustration is exacerbated by the limitations I now have to face. There are things I can never do again, and fortunately, the pain because of that has lessened significantly. I hate nothing more that being dependent, or asking for help, but I have been so blessed to be around some of the most giving people possibly on the planet.

Moving has been... a challenge. Before this last year, I had no idea how frustrating it can be to move something as small as a pile of blankets. I want to be able to help others with physical limitations, because until you go through it, you have no idea the amount of helplessness and vulnerability you can feel. I was in tears because I knew I couldn't do it by myself, and I had no idea who to turn to when my prayers were literally answered.

I am truly optimistic about the future now, which has been a bit of a process. I do not know much more than a couple months ahead, and even that is very open to change. At the very least, I know I am not homeless until next April and I am officially now a UVU (*edit USU) student. So, even though nothing is for certain, there is a hope that has come back. I really do know that things will work out, just maybe not in the time or way I had previously supposed. There always seems to be a reason for why things happen the way they do. Sometimes the things you hope and wish for really do come. Who knows, maybe Jimmer and I will run into each other in Sacramento, fall madly in love, and live happily ever after. It could happen.

edit: jimmer's engaged. never mind.

Motivation

Truthfully, I really do think it's funny that I am struggling so much with everything right now. I guess it's just a long process to work out our feelings about things. You have to put on a happy face for 90% of the time, and then the other 10% you are too busy to let yourself be sad. Plus, who can be sad when it's sunny outside?

Honestly, I have never felt so scared. I guess I always assumed that nothing would be permanent. I know, it really is ridiculous, I guess I'm not living in an earthquake/tsunami ravaged country, I'm not blind, nothing's been amputated. I just can't force myself to be positive about it... yet.

I love talking with my mom. I feel like I can tell her pretty much everything. I admitted that I've been feeling very very low about my future. She told me that she wasn't worried because she knew I'm very resilient. She said that she would be more concerned if she didn't think that I'd eventually be fine, that I'd bounce back. Moms are the best. I really am grateful she mentioned this to me because I think it's something I have always taken for granted about myself. There was never any doubt that one day... soon-ish... I'd be back to my normal optimism again. As humans, we are amazingly capable of adapting. I'll get used to my limitations, and before I know it, I'm sure that I won't even think about it.

It's ok that I'm not happy about it right now. I'm no quitter. I drug my torn-MCL-leg downhill a mile and a half, with just two ski poles for support, dang it. Two weeks later I snowshoed 3 miles on that same leg. Of course this was dumb, and I didn't regain full use for several months, but that is not the point. I was the smallest, youngest kid on every soccer team I ever played on, I was duck-footed and fell all the time. So, I just put on my scariest face and ran straight at the other kids and got the ball from them. Every time. I also got a few yellow cards, but again not the point. What I'm saying is, just you try and get me down.

sometimes optimism doesn't work

Yeah, sometimes no matter how hard you try, everything sucks.

But that's ok! Because, really if things didn't suck sometimes, then how could we know when things are un-sucky? There's always the light at the end of the tunnel, the rainbow after the storm. Things will always eventually get better. Even if they aren't so hot in the moment. Haha, Again Andrea, you're welcome.

Because I'm not addicted to Facebook

Oh this has been a fun semester. I don't mean to be a downer but, I kind of have to ask, "en serio?!" I can't take any more percocet because it makes me a crazy person, and apparently I'm perforating my stomach by taking motrin. But don't worry, it's not like pins sutured to your bones are painful or anything. Especially when its cold outside and storms bring on pressure changes. Nope! It's a good time!

But seriously, this itchy cast will be gone before I know it, and I'll be back to living a full happy life again. I'm looking for some wood in my room that I can knock.

no me digas!

Fall!