How to Keep Yourself Occupied

Sometime in my Junior year of college, in the midst of midterms and giant papers, I remember dreaming of an entire week with blissfully nothing to do. In fact, there was one Friday night where I felt a sense of overwhelming guilt after I took 10 minutes to sit down and eat a frozen yogurt, because it drew time away from my 25 page paper. Believe me, I know how horribly stressful it can be when there is so much to do, and no time to do it. Poor choices involving cross country skiis and the Oregon coast have led me to the position I am in today. Which is sitting on my couch at home with an icebag under my leg finishing up season 1 of Battlestar Gallactica.

Strangely, having arrived at my earlier imagined nirvana, I am not as happy as I once supposed I would be. In fact, frankly I am bored senseless. The one benefit to the hours spent alone in my house is that I have devised many ways to keep myself entertained (although, believe me I have come close to painting a giant fresco of myself in The Creation of Adam onto my ceiling... if you haven't seen Rocketman and have no idea what I'm talking about, stop reading this right now and go and watch it! I'm serious!). I list them here, in case you ever find yourself in a similar state. If you are currently scoffing, thinking "No way! I am way too busy! I'll never have a free minute again!" realize that was me 1 short year ago. You never know when life is going to make you into a couch potato.

1. Read News Stories

And I mean all of them. Not only do you know what Snooki's pregnancy cravings are, you now have thorough insight into the implications of Keselowski's 232 lap lead at the food city 500, you know all about how Dun and Bradstreet have suspended production in China due to allegations of violations of anti-bribery laws (scandal!), and you are an expert in the 7 ways you are sabotaging your relationships. Congratulations! In any conversation during the following week, you are officially an obnoxious know-it-all.

2. Learn Phrases in Languages You Will Never Use

There is a reason Al Gore invented the internet. Waar is die badkamer? Miluju roztomilé štěňátka. Täname loed seda. Ĉu vi volas esti mia amiko?

3. Watch Battlestar Galactica

You will lose all self respect, but become proficient at locating cylons posing as humans.

4. Scrapbook

There's a reason your Grandma loves it so much.

5. Re-read the Entire Harry Potter Series

I'm assuming you've already read them at least once, because if you haven't, you need to get your hiney over to Amazon right now and buy the ebook. The glorious thing about the Harry Potter books is that you start on the Sorcerer's Stone, and then you emerge 3407 pages later realizing that you haven't slept or bathed in over 96 hours.

Blast From the Past

Friends, and random readers, I find myself once again at home in Sacramento. Sometime in between punch dancing out my boredom in my backyard to "Sexy and I Know it" and having conversations with our cat, Stewie, I have had time to explore the dark dusty back corners of my room. Now, I haven't really lived at home for an extended period of time since the summer of 2007, so I was intrigued to find little gems from my previous life lurking around in here. These are my most interesting finds.

Box full of Goosebumps books

I'm pretty sure that at sometime around age 10 I stole these from my brother's room. He always got the best stuff. Because my parents love him more. As a child, I was very sneaky and industrious though, and at some point I acquired titles such as The Cuckoo Clock of Doom, The Horror at Camp JellyJam, The Blob that ate Everyone, and one of my personal favorites, Revenge of the Lawn Gnomes, which I will have to be sure to take back to Kelsi. I cherished and read these books many times, put them in a box under my bed, and then forgot about them for over a decade.

Marriage Time Capsule

Now, I can't remember if I was supposed to bury this in my backyard to be discovered in 200 years by my descendants, but currently it was in my closet hiding under my statuette of the Virgin Mary I acquired from my very catholic great-grandmother in 1995. The capsule is a round, metal paint tin-like container coated with a layer of dust and a plethora of heart and "just married" stickers. I believe I crafted this beauty of a container sometime around my beehive or early mia maid years. I carefully pried off the lid, accepting that this premature opening of the capsule may very well curse me to a lifetime of spinsterhood... it's a risk I'm willing to take. There are many papers stuffed in here all written in my 13ish year-old handwriting. There's a "future family" paper in which I planned out the number, gender, and names of my future offspring. Next, I found a somewhat sarcastic letter to my future husband in which I inform him how lucky he is and assure that he must be "roguishly handsome and have a cool last name". There's a few other things such as my predicted wedding colors and date (I put 2025) and then a ton of confetti in the shape of hearts and kisses and that spell out phrases like "I love you".

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Costume

This is probably from Halloween when I was 4 years old. Mine was the Raphael costume on the right. Not only did this find confirm that my mom really did love me (and my brother obviously too, he had the matching Michelangelo outfit) but that she has quite the crafting skills. Those sweet turtle shells are homemade. I had a minor obsession with TMNT when I was a youth. Quite probably because my brother loved them first, and everything my brother did, I did. We're talking soccer, baseball (softball for me), water polo, spanish, BYU, and having a bizarre admiration for Bob Graham.

More than anything, the treasures I have unearthed have shown me three main things. First, growing up in the 90's was fantastic. Second, we don't change that much from childhood. And third, that I am really bored.